The Way Things Should Be
by BeeLeeLee
Summary: When the heart (and the Force) wants what it wants... balance, love, anger and all things in between...how I imagine the continuing story of Kylo Ren and Rey. *** slow burn!***
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note**

Hello my lovelies and welcome to my little corner!

I have been sailing on the Reylo seas since 2015, always hungry and satiated with the amazing art and writings of my fellow shippers. Upon seeing the real life fanfic that was The Last Jedi, I had to try and put all my little Kylo/Rey dreams onto paper. I am kind of letting these two decide what they want, and this story isn't fully charted out, but it is inspired almost to completion I think. This is my first fic, and I am open to help, suggestions and love.

This first chapter is a short little nibble, just to get things started a bit. Please enjoy and I cant wait to hear your thoughts 3 3 3

* * *

It was rarely ever quiet on the Millennium Falcon. There was always some type of noise, be it voices or the groans of a "piece of junk" hurtling through space.

She walked the halls in the days and nights following their escape on Crait, her fingers gliding across the walls of the ship, the voices of those on board, the emotions and thoughts flittering across her consciousness in an endless stream. She really just wanted some quiet, just a little silence to call her own. She knew she was strong enough to block it all out but for some reason, she didn't think she could find the peace and balance to do so.

Come to think of it though, the silence probably would make IT worse, that which was always there…like a small scratch on the roof of her mouth that she couldn't help but touch instead of ignore completely to let it heal. She didn't dare think on it more than that, still not ready to process all that had happened in such a short amount of time.

As she walked the corridor this night, something (well she knew there wasn't such a thing as "something" anymore, was there?), had moved her to this area of the Falcon… through a floor grate, through a tunnel, into a long forgotten room. It was small, dusty and very much abandoned. All there was, was a slept in bed, a small tiny window to the stars and nothing else.

Except there WAS something else.

A strong presence, lingering over everything.

She knew immediately whose it was.

She knew she should leave. She should not think, speak the name, or let the face even manifest itself into her mind.

Yet her feet betrayed her and almost as if on autopilot, she found herself slowly lowering herself down onto the simple cot. She loosened her three buns, running her fingers through her hair as she laid down, hands splayed across the material of the little pillow. She breathed deeply, feeling something churn in her stomach and tighten in her chest.

It was undeniable and Rey made no effort to leave.

Every single breath was HIM.

* * *

Galaxies away, he paced up and down the corridors of the cruiser and as usual the silence fell immediately upon whichever corner he turned down, those under his direction always in fear of the Supreme Leader. He could care less how they reacted to him. The helmet had certainly scared and intimated them all, but he knew even more so this bare face was far worse. The idea that all the monstrous acts were actually that of a flesh and blood human, and not some persona, seemed to scare everyone even more. Regardless, the silence at times was overwhelming because that was the last thing he wanted.

He didn't miss his old Master. Didn't miss his thoughts being watched, didn't miss doing everything conceivable and still not gaining his Master's approval, did not miss the nights of not sleeping, of waiting on his Lord to call him, of being essentially held captive …but there was something to be said about the constant low whisperings, his mind always filled with dark tendrils of thoughts since he could remember. Now there was nothing but overwhelming silence.

Unless he counted that.

But he wouldn't.

Not now, not ever again. Especially not when everything he had ever wanted was so close to him, just within his grasp with essentially nothing holding him back save the measly smatterings of the Resistance. He knew they could gain momentum again, knew that they could sway and turn the people with that stupid notion of hope. He frowned then, bile rising in his throat, anger nipping at his insides. He hated that word.

Frankly, he cared very little of that now. He knew he'd overcome this small obstacle. He would bring balance, the way he wanted to. No voices from either side telling him what he should choose and what he should do, no universe split in two the same way he …no. That was him before. Never again would he allow himself to be conflicted. He knew his path, knew what he had to do. Nothing would change—

He stopped, feeling as if something had softly tapped him on the shoulder.

He cocked his head slightly, his next breath stuck somewhere in his chest. He turned slowly, slower than he had ever moved in his entire life. He knew the hallway behind him had been empty, everyone dispersing even if they had needed to be there. There had been still silence, but he knew he felt it. Without a doubt it was there, he would never not recognize it.

Kylo Ren finally let out the breath he had been holding, accepting the now almost soft glow, the small body curled up, and the soft, warm whispered, "Ben?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note-**

Hi my lovelies! I am literally handing out hugs and coffee and cocoa (its freezing in NY) to all of you who followed and favorited! My heart is so happy you like my little contribution to the amazing Reylo ship.

A little side note, I tried to stay true to the Force Bond, and the ways of the Force, but I am sure there will be some creative liberties to help my lil story chug along. I hope you all don't mind.

Please feel free to leave love, hate, suggestions, etc! ! I live for your loveeee, it fuels mah fiyah!

Onwards my shippers!

* * *

Rey sat up, her heart pounding so hard she could hear every beat in her head. She didn't think it would happen, didn't think she would ever see him again unless it was in battle.

But he was right there, right in front of her, clad in his usual blackest of black, posture stiff, hands clenched at his sides, those horrible black gloves ever present, the unruly ebony hair falling over the collar of his cloak…

"Ben?"

It had slipped out of her before she could even stop herself. As soon as she felt the name tumble from her lips she had immediately slapped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes went wide as she watched him turn over his shoulder slowly. She knew she had played a dangerous game by coming into what she was certain was his old bedroom. She knew even more that she should have run when she felt everything in the room practically glowing darkly with him, but instead she laid down on his BED of all places, the bed of Ben Solo, and so what did she expect?!

Why did she do these things?

Rey bit her lip so hard she knew blood was going to come pouring down from behind her hand.

She knew to some extent they probably were both keeping the Bond closed, or trying to will the Force to not suddenly allow them glimpses of each other, be it consciously or subconsciously.

Rey had believed that it was nothing more than the creation of a monster, until she had shut the door on a tear stricken Ben Solo on his knees for what she had thought was for good.

The Force apparently had other plans.

Ben was there, a hands touch away, about to turn and lock eyes with her because she had to go and say his name out loud instead of politely telling the Force no thank you.

But that was the problem, right? Did she REALLY want to just severe this Bond, even if she had kept it silenced? Rey was breathing rapidly, she really shouldn't have been ridiculous. Did she even need to be here? In the bed, like she couldn't have propped herself up on a wall and just hung out for a minute, if she was in fact that desperate for silence?

"Why didn't you take my hand?"

Rey's eyes widened. She was so lost in thought that she hadn't realized he had turned fully now, facing her head on.

His face was now in clear view to her and as it always did, Rey felt something in her she couldn't explain. He had the most striking features. His eyes burned so intensely, deep rooted sadness in their depths as well as a fire and something more, all emotions fighting for control and waiting to explode. The scar across his face, the fullness of his mouth…

Rey never knew what to feel when she looked upon the face of Ben Solo. She found herself stilled, her mouth opened to retort with her usual quickness and wit and yet she did nothing but stare, still absorbing his face and the fact that after the events that had unfolded, that was what he decided to ask.

* * *

Kylo Ren hated himself the minute the sentence hung in the air. He was the petulant Prince once more, this girl with one simple word, his godforsaken name of all things, had once again made his feelings seep out of him, bare and plain. He hated her, he hated her for leaving, for turning away from him when he had ripped his heart out of his chest, fought side by side with her knowing she would take his hand after and bring the balance he knew they could together. That's all he had wanted. No more being torn apart from all angles and a galaxy driven mad with it, a new start with someone who understood.

He had said please.

The last image of her burned into his mind. Her eyes disappointed as she looked down on him from THAT ship, her jaw set, as she closed the door on him, never to be seen again until now. This moment.

He would be lying to himself if he had not imagined this possible scenario, facing her, using her rejection as fuel to take her down the way he had so desperately wanted to do on Crait.

And yet as soon as he had turned and saw her delicate but calloused hands covering her mouth, eyes wide at her lack of self-control, that impulsiveness always at the forefront…and her hair down, just like the day she came to him…he felt all the darkness and anger in him ebb away, a mere annoyance as opposed to an overpowering rage.

He didn't think the Force would let them see each other, he knew he did his best to keep his defenses up, keep the Bond closed; he didn't want to feel her slipping through, and he knew even more he didn't want to see her. He knew she brought out a weakness in him and he still had yet to figure out if it was good or bad.

And somehow, he found he had repeated himself, his mouth an entity on its own while inside he yelled at himself to be the Leader he knew he was.

He took a step forward.

"Why didn't you take my hand?" he repeated.

* * *

Rey snapped out of it then, lowering her hand. She was silent for some time, a million answers in her mind until she finally said simply, "I couldn't".

Kylo tilted his head, looking at her, studying her face.

Rey did not understand why she wasn't reacting to this differently. He was hunting them as they spoke, trying to find them in this very minute to destroy the last of the Resistance and yet she was in his room, about to engage in further conversation.

Rey felt like a total failure at that moment, even as she leaned forward awaiting his response.

"Why?" he asked simply.

She frowned then.

"Why ask me what we already know the answer to?," she responded quietly.

She wondered what he felt, longed to touch him and read his feelings that way, but he kept his face placid, no expression, just stared at her, not responding. Waiting for an answer.

"How could I take your hand Ben? You and I, yes we saw each other, through the Force… our bond was not just Snoke's doing because here we are again, but our visions, they weren't the same, were they?"

She lowered her eyes.

"The way you were on Crait, I don't even know who you were at that moment. You weren't the same person I spoke with, the same person I saw so clearly in my mind," she paused then, voice barely a whisper. "You were terrifying".

Kylo took a step forward then, bending his entire height so that he was on one knee in front of her.

She should have moved, closed her eyes until the Force ended this connection. Instead she was glued to her spot, watching his every move as he placed both hands on either side of her on the bed.

He looked into her face, solemnly.

"Are they all terrified of me? Is my Mother terrified of me?" he asked. She could see every single fleck of color in his large eyes. She had underestimated the effect of his proximity, although he was still at least an arm away from her, although they had been this close before, in flesh. Through the Force right now it felt stifling, too intimate, in this small room that belonged to him once, with this giant of a man clad in ebony, on one knee, dangerously close to her being.

"Your Mother is more concerned in surviving while you have every First Order vessel in the galaxy out to find us," she finally said, mustering up her strength. "Everyone just wants to survive and rebuild the Resistance. They all think you are past being saved."

He nodded then, eyes never leaving hers.

"What about you? Are you terrified of me now?" he asked, searching her face. "Do you think it's too late for me…Rey?"

Rey kept his gaze, tears stinging the back of her eyes upon hearing her name on his lips. Stupid girl for letting it affect her, "No."

Kylo stood up abruptly then, taking a few steps of distance between them, back turned to her.

There was a long pause of silence.

"Come to me then," he said finally.

"What?" Rey stood up, finding herself again, marching up to his frame. "Ben, I can't. Think of what happened last time I went to you"

Kylo turned his head over his shoulder, and looked down at her.

"I think about it every. Single. Day," he said.

Rey said nothing, biting her lip and lowering her eyes.

"You yourself said the Bond is real," he continued. "It means something, regardless of what our visions were. Why else would it allow me to be here, seeing you again? We are on opposite sides of a war, and yet here we are again in the same room"

Rey shook her head.

"What if you are trying to just get to the Resistance through me?" she asked. "What if you just want to use me as a trap?"

Kylo took one last look at her, and faced away again.

"I will leave myself open to you for the next few days over the Bond. Decide. I won't wait for long".

Rey sat back down on the bed, hand to her heart, watching their connection fade as he vanished from the room knowing her decision was already made.


	3. Chapter 3

Even Kylo Ren had to sleep.

He lay in his utilitarian bed, Snoke adamant that he never have more or less than he needed and that everything served a purpose and nothing more.

He supposed he could have any bed he wanted now, but sleep was never an indulgence for him and so he continued to barely fit in the small frame. He lay there, hand behind his head staring up at nothing. He always felt foolish in these moments, these almost too human moments of basic necessity.

After it all, was he truly just a child in a mask?

He sighed.

He hadn't corrected her once.

She had called him Ben over and over, and his foolish heart had allowed it, even warmed to it.

What was wrong with him?

He had thought that day on Crait had sealed the divide in his soul. He thought there would be no coming back, no question, no doubts of who he was and what he wanted.

Yet, when all the rage and anger had settled, and his vision was no longer red, and he had watched as his father's dice vanished from his hand and looked up, and there she was, infuriatingly beautiful as ever, the chasm in him felt just as great.

And he had imagined seeing her again, knowing the Bond was real, and what he would do. Nothing played out the way it just had.

He was calm, and…and he had told her to come to him…

And it wasn't a trick.

He wanted to see her, in the flesh again. No guards. No Snoke.

Just him, her and the Force. He needed to know what was it that kept them connected. Why was he drawn to her so strongly that every time she was near he felt he would lose himself in her light and the light in him that he just couldn't snuff out, no matter what lengths he took?

He knew he was a monster. The things he had done, the things he wanted to do, they were unspeakable and unforgivable. He had given everything to the Dark side, to prove himself….he should be clear and focused.

And he was.

Until she had appeared again.

And now his visions were blurry again, the split he felt aching…

As he had told her he wouldn't wait long, he knew it was a lie. He would wait. He would wait for the Force to open their Bond again…he knew he would no longer put up defenses in the hope the Bond wouldn't go through.

He had willed it to break this time; he physically couldn't bare being In that space with her and thankfully the Force had granted it.

The Bond had never let him see her surroundings, save for this one time, but in that bed, he had longed to touch her. Not in any other way, than for the mere fact that he could still feel her skin on his hand, the most innocent of touches, yet the intimacy they had shared was buried in his chest, unmovable, stained, scarred there forever.

He had longed to touch her hand in that room, see her standing by his side again. Choosing him.

Acknowledging his worth.

He knew sleep would not come that night, instead he surrendered his mind to visions of a hazel eyed girl from Jakku.

* * *

Kylo Ren continued with First Order business as usual, at least attempted to. He mostly left it up to Hux, which he was certain would be his own downfall, but his mind, heart…everything was in disarray and it drove him mad. He continued to have the General follow any intel they received, but the small Resistance never stayed anywhere long enough to be caught. He sent out troops as necessary reconnaissance and continued to search for his Mother's signature through the Force.

He had thought her dead after the battle, never a chance to acknowledge his thoughts or the fact that he had hesitated himself…

But Rey had confirmed what he knew. She was alive.

He didn't know how to feel about it, as he felt with most things.

It had also now been seven days with nothing from Rey.

He kept himself open, mind a blank slate and at night when he was weakest, he would whisper her name into the dark and hope the Bond would spark to life.

He hated his softness when it came to her, but no matter what he did, he couldn't control it; it was as powerful as when his darkness took over.

Rey made Kylo Ren a shadow to Ben Solo.

He continued on, day after day… A full fourteen days, two weeks, with no advancement for the First Order and no vision of her.

He found himself walking the cruiser every evening into the late hours of the night.

He knew sleep would not come again, as it had not since he had seen her, and so busied himself managing menial things that Snoke would never have dare touched.

What had he become in this past week?

He shook his head, as if that could clear the chaos within him. Satisfied with this evening's stroll, and finding no more desire to skulk about, he headed to his quarters.

There in the dark, as he went about his night time routine, he wondered if he had imagined Rey. It was impossible though, she HAD been in his old room, on his bed, her glowing light unmistakable.

Was it a final parting gift from the Force? A farewell, and not an opening to something more?

He needed to let his mind rest.

Finally in his sleep trousers, he laid down, and for once was genuinely tired. He wished deeply for some respite from his insomnia. He closed his eyes, and begged the Force for just an hour or two of sleep…

"Why does the Force insist on me seeing you shirtless?"

Kylo Ren's eyes opened.

He knew the voice was in his dream, as it always was, both awake and asleep ….He stared then, out into the giant window of infinite stars. He felt heavy, and wondered if he could be so lucky as to fall back into slumber.

He closed his eyes again, sighing deeply, thanking the Force.

"Ben!"

So, it wasn't a dream?

Kylo Ren sat up and turned.

There was Rey, perched delicately on his bed, her chin on her knees, blanket wrapped around her.

"Could you also ask the Force why it insists on putting you in my bed?" he said back, keeping all his emotions in check. She was here!

How he managed was impossible. She looked groggy, as if she had just woken up, her hair loose again, her eyes shiny and wide, blanket wrapped around her.

She opened her mouth to speak and he somewhat smugly noticed the little flush on her freckled cheeks.

"I figured that's where you were. I was sleeping and suddenly I was awake, looking at you," she paused. "I didn't imagine you actually slept. "

Kylo leaned forward a bit. "Even monsters need rest," he said.

Rey smirked. "I imagine they do," she said. "And I guess the Force just has bad timing?"

Kylo nodded, "I suppose it does." He pulled his legs under him in a cross legged position, fully awake and facing her now completely. "It's been two weeks."

Rey's pupils opened wide, and she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, her face always so expressive.

"I know," she said, eyes down. "I tried to…reach out to you….But there is so much I don't know…" her voice trailed off.

Kylo felt a little flip in his stomach, knowing she had tried to call him, the same way he had. He wouldn't tell her that though.

"Did you decide?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. She was still looking down, clutching the blanket tightly around herself. She suddenly tilted her head.

"You don't have your gloves on."

This strange girl, noticing the oddest things.

"Did you think I slept in First Order regalia? "he asked.

Rey shrugged. "The last time I saw you without gloves was…" and she paused, letting her sentence fade, biting her lip, looking up to meet his gaze.

Her eyes were full of emotion and he hated that he dared not intrude in her mind, something he should have had no problem doing. But the Bond granted them this moment and the pattern had showed this connection to be unpredictable. Kylo refused to see her fade without knowing he would see her, in person, in the flesh, and so he did nothing but hold her stare.

"How do we meet?" she finally whispered. "I can't exactly have you come to me."

"I know," he agreed. "Can you fly? Or are you a prisoner on that ship?"

Rey's brows furrowed. "I am not a prisoner," she said indignantly. "And I can fly if need be. Why? Ben, what are you thinking?"

"Meet me on my ship."

Rey scoffed. "I am not meeting you on any ship any time soon. Why don't you come to me? We can…"

Kylo held up his hand, feeling his anger flare slightly.

He breathed deeply. If only this girl knew the patience he showed her.

"I am not going anywhere near the Resistance unless it is to end them," he said. He noticed her flinch, jaw set and he realized she too was showing patience, her impulsiveness and feisty nature simmering under her skin.

"Then what do you suggest Ben?" she asked, voice now tense where as it had been soft before.

The Bond could only ignore so many things, and it was impossible to forget they were truly on opposite ends.

"I may have somewhere we could meet but…." Rey was the one to break the silence, her words coming out impossibly fast. "I didn't think anything of it, other than it was just dreams and memories, but it just came to me again and maybe it's the Force? I don't know, this is all just…. Ugh. Ben, I don't know if you will like this idea but meet me…can you meet me on Ahch-to? It's where….Its where I went to train with ….. "She paused for a moment, her eyes shiny, and he could see her composing herself. She took a deep breath and continued quickly. "He isn't there anymore… I know you know that, but I keep seeing the island in my mind, and even stronger just now… I don't know if it's good for you, or good for me, but Ben, I think that is where we should meet."

She stopped, and he noticed the blanket had slipped down a bit off her shoulder, exposing the tan skin. He found himself staring, and he wondered when he had become such a simpleton. As if on autopilot, he reached out, watching with the mildest of embarrassment the shaking of his own hand, a hand that was betraying him.

She followed his motion, eyes never leaving what he was doing, everything moving as in slow motion. He could see her breath quicken, and he knew he had to control his own.

Without letting any part of his skin touch hers, he looked up at her face, and saw that she too had taken her eyes away from his travelling hand and was locked into his gaze.

He grabbed the wayward blanket corner, and slowly, ever so slowly pulled it up, covering her once more.

She gasped, low and quick, and took in a shaky breath at the same time he did.

But Kylo Ren now felt in control again, his thoughts undistracted by that small patch of sun kissed skin.

"Say it," he said, his voice barely a whisper as he finally broke the silence.

"Say what?" she responded, voice lowered to match his.

"Say please," he replied.

She opened her mouth as if to speak harshly, he could see her face for just a moment as she considered it. She knew what he was doing, what this meant. Instead, she nodded and humbled herself and softly offered, "Please meet me there?"

Kylo Ren nodded. "Three days' time. Ahch-To."

Rey nodded, "Where?"

"Just be there in three days' time and I will find you" he said.

* * *

Rey nodded.

She could not ever explain the emotions and thoughts running through her. She sat on the Falcon, in her small little cot and thanked her stars that at least she was granted some privacy in this small cabin.

Anyone walking by would have thought her a mess.

They wouldn't be far from the truth.

Her entire world had been a mess since Kylo Ren had sat in front of her and stared at her with those endless pools he called eyes. It was ridiculous. It made no sense. It was hypocrisy and madness, and treason and everything wrong.

But yet here she was, on his bed AGAIN, genuinely asking this man, this monster, to meet her, meet her on the planet his Uncle had once resided on, the planet she had gone to for answers and had gotten nothing but mostly more questions.

But he had agreed.

He had agreed, as he sat there, skin bare, his large hands open on his kneecaps, relaxed and covered in scars. She had seen him with his shirt off once before, and it had affected her then and it affected her now.

He was so white, he almost glowed in the dark of their space, and built strongly, and some small stupid part of her wondered what he felt like.

Would he be hard under her fingers? Or soft like her own skin?

Would he let her touch him?

She'd never touched a boy…a man…and with him, she felt a pull to him, to touch him.

She shook her head.

What was WRONG with her? With all of this?

How could the Force do this? She was mad, she knew she was. But even as she thought that, she found herself unable to stop him as he reached for her with his large hands, delicate fingers outstretched.

He was somehow able to pull the blanket up from her shoulder, through the Force to cover her.

She had shivered, shivered when she saw his hand moving towards her, anticipating his skin on hers and the visions the Bond would grant them if he did. She had shivered when he moved his hand back into his lap and asked her to say please.

Everything about him swirled in darkness, his pull strong and heavy, and she felt in a daze, just barely keeping herself above it.

She thought the Bond would close then, once he agreed to Ahch-to, but it did not.

"The Bond is still open," she whispered.

"Yes, it is," he said.

Rey didn't care to think anymore.

They'd have answers when they finally met, in three days. Rey didn't even think of how she would leave the Falcon, or whatever planet they were about to land on for refueling. All she could think of was how in three days she would face him once more.

In three days, he wouldn't just be there through the Force, he would be there, in flesh and blood.

Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader and her, Rey, the hope of the Resistance.

Rey felt overwhelmed and drained.

Kylo was still, just looking at her, not moving, breathing slowly and deeply.

She knew this Bond wouldn't be open forever, he could at any point fade and so Rey, with no words, laid her head down on her pillow facing him.

And Kylo Ren, light years away, in his small bed on the cruiser, laid his head down on his own pillow, hand open and face down.

Rey, without touching him, without a word, put her hand palm down as well, fingers splayed, so that the slightest move could cause their pinkies to touch.

But nether moved, both silently scared to do more than breathe and look at each other.

And as they lay there, not really together, not really apart, the Bond slowly closed until they were both alone once more.

* * *

 **Authors note-**

 **Oh my gosh, I love each and every one of you who has reviewed and commented! You inspire me to write more, and I thank you truly and sincerely !**

 **I hope you loved this, please feel free to share love, hate, and everything in between. Suggestions, discussions, annoyances...all are welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

Rey's dreams that night had been completely haunted by Kylo Ren, although it wasn't as if it was the first time.

These were more vivid than usual, and so much more physical in their nature.

They were innocent dreams though, just stolen touches of a hand, but they were so real that she woke up many times wondering if he'd be there next to her.

She wished she hadn't fallen asleep, staring into his eyes.

Regardless, she couldn't spend time dawdling on that.

She had to procure a ship, and she had to do it fast.

She had woken that day with purpose and set about her mission, pulling Leia aside and asking for a word privately. They had just come to port on a Resistance friendly planet and if she was going to pull this off, there was no time but now.

Rey had been vague and hoped that it was enough to blame her need to leave off ship for a few days on Jedi/Force matters, which technically wasn't a lie. She was positive she had used too many words, sweated too much, and fidgeted with her hands too often for Leia not to think something was up but….

Leia had done nothing but nodded with a smile, and told her to do whatever she had to and had pulled her in for a quick hug.

Rey wanted to cry immediately when she had hugged her and told her to be safe, but she stayed strong, and tried her best to steady her thoughts and not spill everything to her.

Rey was still not convinced Leia didn't see through her as she boarded the ship.

It wasn't the best and it was small, but it had a hyperdrive and that's all she needed really.

Once the coordinates were set (she would never ever forget them) the reality sank in.

Soon shed be face to face with him.

* * *

Rey landed a day and a half later; the journey uneventful and the Bond silent.

She had taken stock of the little island she was on, lush with green, more green than the island Master Luke had occupied. She made sure it was safe, wandering about with staff in hand.

That night, certain she was alone, she had a fire roaring and sat by it, staring out into the infinite stars, wrapped in her warm little blanket, meditating.

She breathed deeply, mind open and peaceful and as she did, she heard the faint whisper of his voice.

"I will be there soon"

It was clear, and Rey didn't even need to open her eyes.

She merely nodded, acknowledging his voice in her mind and knew nothing else needed to be said.

They would have words soon enough.

* * *

It was the morning of the third day.

Rey padded out of her ship, stepping into the clearing she had landed in.

She had fallen asleep in the pilot's seat, wondering if the Bond would open or if Ben would arrive after she had heard his voice.

He did not, and so she waited, ready to start her day and ready to begin whatever this would be.

She wondered if he wasn't coming.

Was he toying with her?

But she didn't feel anything but honesty when he spoke, and felt that Ben was unable to do anything really but speak as plainly as possible. She knew he would be there, soon enough, just as he had promised.

She sighed and turned her face up to the sun, eyes closed, letting the warmth fall over her, stretching deeply. She opened her eyes then, and wondered if she should meditate some more. She decided to wander again instead, tired of meditating for the moment, and paused at a small pool of water she had seen the day before.

It was warm here, warmer than it ever was when she was here with Master Luke.

Something in her longed to sink into the water, although her last water related adventure had been rushed, she wanted to know what it felt like to be weightless in this beautiful clear thing she never saw enough of on Jakku.

She glanced around, biting her lip.

She removed her top tunic, figuring she would hold the rocks along the edge and just float there a bit, holding on just enough to satisfy any curiosity until she sorted out her life enough to take proper swimming lessons.

She was pretty much still fully clothed, only her arms and calves exposed. She gingerly made her way into the water, gripping the rock tightly. The water was freezing cold. She gasped as it hit her, and realized with a rush that she couldn't feel the bottom. She found herself shivering but smiling all at once, daring to let one arm go and float somewhat, closing her eyes as the sun hit her upturned face, and relishing every moment of this small experience.

Suddenly though, she felt a shift, that intense pull, and all the emotions that came with it.

He was there.

She pulled herself up to the edge, staring at him rather stupidly. Of course he would show up when she decided to indulge her little flight of fantasy.

He was perched calmly on the rock she had been grabbing, cross legged as always (which she always found fascinating for someone as tall as him).

He wore his usual, black head to toe, but she realized the helmet he had once worn religiously was still no more, just a hood to shield from the sun. She still could not decide if that horrid thing or his naked face was more unnerving.

Ben wore no expression though, merely held her eyes as he always did. He reached up with gloved hands and lowered the cloth, midnight hair shining where the rays of sun hit it. He was lovely in this light, and Rey silently screamed at the Bond to leave her thoughts closed and next time to warn her of his presence, a presence that was almost suffocating, pulling her to him.

She had realized it one thing to say and see everything through their connection, but this, this was more overwhelming than she thought and for some reason more alarming than any other time they had been together in person. She struggled to control the millions of emotions that flooded through her.

Panic.

Fear.

Familiarity.

Relief.

She wondered if in those few moments, he sensed that and wondered what he must have thought of her treading water, as if she had no care in the world. He probably thought her an idiot.

* * *

Kylo Ren had thought Rey was beautiful in his dreams.

He had witnessed her beauty through the Bond, and in person, on more than one occasion.

But here, right now, in that instant, she had left him silent.

He had watched her for a minute or two before she sensed him and opened her eyes.

She was still after everything, full of wonder and light, smiling as she attempted to float in the little body of water, sun illuminating her face and her hair floating behind her.

Her innocence, her purity, it drew him in so, and he watched her, feeling his heart clench for something he dared not say out loud. She was fully clothed but she was more enticing than any person, or force, Kylo Ren had ever encountered.

She had always left him off kilter, and seeing here there, in a moment of happiness and unaware of the chaos of it all, he felt himself wanting nothing more than to bathe in her light.

Rey had opened her eyes then, sensing him finally, lashes sparkling with water, and looked up at him, never showing fear, just a face drawn with every emotion, plainly as the freckles smattered across her nose.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly, wiping her face.

Kylo said nothing, extending his gloved hand to help her out of the water.

The situation was not lost on her, on so many levels, and she hesitated. Kylo knew why she did.

"Would you like me to leave you?" he finally asked.

She nodded. "I just need a moment, thank you."

He withdrew his hand, and silently turned and walked away back to the little clearing she had set up. He waited there, sitting on the floor, until she finally arrived, shivering a bit, and squeezing her hair dry.

"Better?" he asked.

She smirked, and sat down across from him. "You found me," she stated.

"Yes, as I said I would," he replied. "Were your travels safe? Was it difficult to get away from them?"

Rey shook her head. 'No, Le-"she paused before she finished saying his mother's name. "They didn't ask much questions, you know. Force matters and all that."

Kylo said nothing, and looked around.

"So this is where you trained with my Uncle, is it?"

Rey shrugged.

"I wouldn't say train. He was terrified to open up to me, he was a different person, and I didn't learn much more being here."

"As I expected," he mumbled.

The mention of his Uncle set his blood afire. He knew his Uncle had found peace and comfort in the Force, he had felt it the minute it happened, the minute he had made a fool of him, this man who was his own flesh and blood; the would be murderer of Ben Solo.

He took a deep breath, attempting to control the darkness rising in the pit of his stomach.

His last intent here was to frighten Rey, or bring up things that need not be brought up.

"Why did you agree to see me Rey?" he asked finally, turning his attention to her once more.

"Answers," she said plainly.

Kylo merely looked at her.

"So what happens now?" she asked, rubbing her arms.

"I don't know,"Kylo said. "I find it refreshing you haven't shot at me yet, as is your way."

Rey let a small smile grace her face.

"I guess it is," she said softly.

She looked down at her hands.

"What happened to you?" she began. "Why do I keep seeing you? Why is this Bond still here? Why did the Force pick me? What do I even do with it? I have all this….these things inside me and an entire galaxy that needs me, and yet here I am," she paused. "And everything makes less sense than it ever did. I thought I had my purpose figured out, thought that I was done with you, honestly, I thought...You make less sense to me than I ever thought you could. I thought I knew who you were and what you were, but even now, I can still feel it in you, that light and the conflict, and I know you don't want to hear it… I know it but..." She stopped, realizing she was once again unloading without thinking.

Kylo found it infuriating and somehow endearing that she just always charged ahead, so many words and emotions always rushing through her, amazed that she still believed he could be saved.

Rey shrugged. "I just don't know," she concluded.

Kylo leaned forward.

"But what is it that what YOU want from me Rey?"

"I am not quite sure what I want when it comes to you Ben," she replied.

"Would it make you feel better if I were to tell you I feel the same?" he said.

Rey smiled a little then, "Not really. We both can't be crazy, can we?"

Kylo nodded. "Hardly crazy if it is the Force that continues to bring us together. How long do you think you have here?"

She shrugged.

They sat there then quietly for a few moments.

"I wasn't going to hurt you," Kylo finally offered.

Rey looked at him wide eyed.

"Certainly seemed to be your intent on Crait."

Kylo frowned, "I was angry."

How did she not understand what she had did to him by rejecting him?

"Angry is an understatement," she said shortly.

Kylo seethed, feeling his anger take over. He clenched his fists and stood up, too emotional to sit. He spoke to her through clenched teeth. She truly had no idea, no clue…

"Do you know what it felt like Rey? To finally…." He motioned between them. "Have this? This bond? It isn't just the Force Rey, it's an understanding…strip away all of it and at the base of it is just you and I. You knew what led me to be the monster I am today, what led me to take on the name Kylo Ren. You knew how everyone had turned me away, how my own Uncle tried to murder me in my sleep! I offered you the galaxy, knowing that you knew the loneliness I felt every. Waking. Moment… except…except when we were connected. Didn't you feel that Rey?"

He was shaking now, anger boiling inside him, threatening to spill over.

She stood up directly in front of him, eyes upwards.

"Yes Ben, I did feel it!" she almost yelled, her voice louder than it had ever been. "I knew what you felt, I knew I wasn't alone when we were connected. I knew that you knew exactly what this turmoil inside of me was and I knew that if I came to you, we could help each other, but you turned on me Ben! You offered me something….you offered me something I couldn't take and then you went on a rampage and you expect me to sit here and explain why I couldn't go down the path you were going down?!"

"Something you couldn't take?" Kylo grabbed his hair, pulling at it angrily before his hands dropped to his side.

"Rey I offered you a chance to start new," he said. He looked down at her, complete disbelief. "I wanted you to never be alone again."

He sighed, his shoulders dropping.

The fire in him simply dissipated and he felt nothing but an emptiness and a persisting weakness he hated.

He turned around, giving her his back, refusing to hold her gaze any longer or look into her eyes. He stayed quiet for a minute.

"I didn't want to be alone again Rey," Kylo Ren finally said.

* * *

 **Authors Note- Oh my GOD**. I love you all SO much! Thank you thank you thank you for the reviews ( I don't know how to respond to them on the review section so I try to PM you all) and the follows and the likes. I don't have enough words of gratitude. You literally fuel me and warm my heart, and it is incredible! I know this is an awful way to end the chapter, and they FINALLY MEET, but it's been so long since I posted (life has been crazy) I wanted to wet your appetite and break up this important chapter into two. I will be posting again tomorrow! Sorry, these two are just always set to intense when it comes to each other !


	5. Chapter 5

Rey took a deep breath, hearing Ben's declaration as clear as if he had spoken it directly into her heart.

Why did things always escalate so quickly with him?

Why were the emotions between them always set to high intensity and how did he always manage to touch her so profoundly it hurt?

Hearing him say that, to hear him admit what both their greatest pain was broke her heart because she knew what he felt down to her very bones.

She wanted nothing more, had wished for nothing more than to belong to something.

"Ben, I don't want to be alone either," she finally said, speaking to his back. "And you know this," she paused, looking down at her hands. "You've seen my loneliness, you know what it meant to have finally found something of a family to call my own ….and if you were to turn now, and look at me, if you were to see past your anger, you would see that I thought…." And she stopped, taking a deep breath. "I thought I had you too."

* * *

Kylo Ren would not be moved. He stiffened his back, cracking his knuckles.

"I suppose we both disappointed each other," he finally said.

Behind him, he heard her little huff of annoyance.

"You are exhausting," she finally said, and he heard her arms fall to her side in exasperation. "And I am tired and I would like to not go back and forth with you anymore about this. Can we agree to just meet somewhere that isn't just me accusing you and you accusing me? We aren't alone now, are we? We agreed to come here, and get answers. Together. Ben, I don't care about anything else right now. We have to

figure this out. We can't ignore the Bond. I know what I saw, that day we touched hands, and I know our paths are intertwined. Can we agree to that, at least? Can we agree to do what we came here for?"

Kylo sighed, and turned to look down at her.

She had on her determined face, looking up at him with that fierceness in her eyes, and he truly did not know what else to say. He simply nodded, conceding to this tiny slip of a girl the Force refused to remove from his path.

The softest of smiles played across her lips, and Kylo stayed quiet because he had to. He was afraid to speak too much and afraid to reveal the softness that Rey seemed to have a direct line to. Luckily, she had simply said, "thank you."

* * *

After Ben had agreed to essentially play nice, Rey had gone back into her ship to warm up, still feeling the dampness from earlier. If she wanted to be completely honest with herself, she knew it was more than just needing to get warm.

She physically and mentally needed some space and breathing room.

It was impossible to not lose oneself around the energy that was Ben Solo.

She knew she didn't have to explain herself regardless, when she turned to go inside. She was sure that Ben was just as overwhelmed as she was at the moment and was probably grateful for the separation.

She had made her way to the pilot's seat, grabbing her satchel as she propped her feet up on the control panel. She pulled out her spare throw, wrapping it around herself and trying her best not to remember the last time she had worn it, how it was Ben who had gently pulled it up over her shoulder.

She had wanted his fingers to touch her skin more than she dared admit.

Rey physically shook her head as if that could clear her thoughts.

Those kind of things should not be flittering around in her mind. She didn't know what she thought would happen on this island, but she highly doubted it would involve any of her Bond driven dreams.

She bit her thumb nail nervously as the realization came to her that she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

She reached down then, grabbing something out of her bag.

She touched the book cover with reverence, looking over her shoulder, down the exit ramp, as if she was doing something horrible and didn't want to get caught.

Ben wasn't in the clearing.

Rey satisfied herself in figuring he had decided to perhaps go back to his vessel or explore as she had done.

It had been Master Luke's home, and Rey knew it wasn't something lost on him. She was certain that was something he needed to sort out.

No matter, she could keep herself busy for a few, taking advantage of being away from the constant bustle that was the Resistance and the brooding presence outside.

She opened the ancient Jedi texts she had brought on board with her, too scared to leave something so important and precious behind. She began to read, her head spinning with things she was just at the edge of understanding…

 _Rey didn't know where she was…all she knew was that there was red all around her…and it was hot and she felt so much defeat and sadness and conflict that she couldn't breathe from the weight of it._

 _Ben stood in front of her, his black hair falling around his face, a tortured look full of emotion and she realized his lightsaber was ignited in his tightly clenched hands, glowing in his eyes as crimson as their surroundings._

 _"Just do it Rey," he was saying._

 _Rey was bewildered. She stared at him, not able to understand._

 _"Rey please…" he continued. "This is the only way."_

 _Rey touched her finger to her cheek and realized the tears were streaming from her eyes. She was sobbing._

 _"Rey this is the only thing that makes sense," he wa_ s _continuing. "You have to kill me, do it now. This is how it ends. Don't you see? I can't be saved. You have to do this. You will never be alone Rey, not ever again. You will be revered, a savior, loved…. but you must. Do. This. Now. "_

 _Rey shook her head, hiccupping as the sobs shook her entire frame._

 _Ben screamed then, "DO IT!" and lunged, lightsaber raised…_

The book fell to the floor with a loud thump. Rey jolted upright in her seat, breathing as if he had run a marathon.

She clutched her heart, wiping at her damp face, tears still running down her cheeks.

She felt sick….what if…what if what she just saw was a vision? A Force vision of things to come?

She shut her eyes as tight as she could and silently repeated to herself it wasn't real.

She took a deep breath and leaned down to pick up the text that hadfallen out of her hand, turning her face when she sensed him.

Ben stood there, just at the base of the ship's entrance, his face unreadable.

He was breathing as heavy as she was.

They held eyes for a moment, before he turned away.

Rey didn't bother stopping the tears then as she realized what it possibly meant that Ben had seen her dream too.

* * *

Kylo had clutched the rock, hand to his stomach, doubled over with the power of the vision.

She was crying in the vision, and there was something perfect about her sweet innocence in that moment.

He was begging her to do it.

To end him.

He gasped when she woke from it, hurtling them both out of the shared vision. He staggered bewildered into the clearing, watching her turn to face him, her face wet with real tears.

Is that why the Force brought them together?

Was this how his story ended?

He refused to believe it.

He had not given his entire life to the Dark side to have gained nothing in return. He had not been intertwined with Rey just to end up a weak fool asking her for a quick exit. He did not kill his Master, did not become Supreme Leader for this ending. It wasn't how he had seen things, it wasn't how it was supposed to be.

But had anything gone the way he had wanted?

Kylo had enough.

Enough giving…enough suffering…enough of never being good ENOUGH.

He would make his own fate, he refused to not fight, regardless of what the Force wanted.

Kylo Ren exploded then, the rage bubbling inside of him, spilling over into his vision, his limbs, his head.

He pulled his lightsaber from his belt, igniting it just as he had seen.

He twirled it in his hand, roaring as began slashing at his surroundings, swinging over and over seeing nothing but red.

* * *

Rey felt it happen before she saw it.

She felt the shift of emotions and he just like that he was standing there, howling as he repeatedly used his saber on the poor unsuspecting landscape.

Rey stood up, almost tripping over herself, books and personal items falling to the floor. She grabbed her staff and ran down the ramp.

"Ben stop!" she yelled. "BEN!"

She saw him pause, the tree and rock he was hacking at almost split, lightsaber at his side.

"Please Ben," she said again. She moved closer to him, hand extended.

"Put down the saber, and just breathe with me please."

She took another step, seeing his entire form tremble.

"You saw it Rey," he said, his voice low, deeper and angry.

Rey nodded, moving even closer, still cautious.

"I did," she said, the vision still searing the edges of her memory. "The Force shows us so many different things Ben but it is not a set future. You and I know this for a fact."

And as she said that, she extended her arm, her fingertips grazing the fabric of his cloak, before she let her hand rest softly on his shoulder. She gasped, closing her eyes as she felt the electric current of their Bond run up her hand, into her arm and through her entire being.

She absorbed his anger, his pain, his doubt and in turn felt her own hope, calm and light bleed into him as well, mingling , soothing him and filling her spaces until she no longer felt anything but something akin to a balance.

She watched his shaking form stop, saw him shut down his saber and felt him slip from her hand as he fell onto his knees on the floor, hand in his head, saber at his side.

Their Bond had worked.

Rey moved in front of him, and knelt down.

"Ben?" she whispered, he didn't look up and he didn't move.

Rey felt his pull and for once, didn't try to ignore it, and so she crept closer to him, once again becoming hyper aware of him.

The shine of his hair, how it wasn't just ebony, but streaked with dark brown...the broadness of his shoulders...how large he was even now as he was hunched over, his gloved hand covering his face.

She did not understand why these things mattered then, but she knew she felt one thing, a singular thought strong and clear in her mind.

She had to touch him again…

* * *

Kylo felt her intentions, knew she was behind him, and knew she was going to touch him.

A part of him raged at her; wanted her gone…and yet…

A part of him called out to her, begging her to silently help him.

And she had.

The minute her hand had touched his shoulder, he had felt it: the Bond balancing them, opening them to each other so that one was not more than the other, his darkness diluted by her light…

It had felt like a jolt, and he found himself slumping to the floor, grabbing his head, exhausted but wanting one thing…

He craved her hand and the way she had made him feel in that moment, and he hated how as soon as it had slipped from his shoulder, the turbulence began bubbling inside him again.

He dared not say it out loud but he opened his eyes then, and there she was in front of him, now kneeling on the floor…

Kylo felt lost in the innocence of her face, the lip she bit nervously, her eyes wide, flecked with gold and green, looking so deeply past him, into him, silently asking him for his approval.

She glanced at the hand that was holding the saber, and he quickly let it fall to the ground next to him.

He said nothing, but slowly, eyes never leaving hers, he lowered his other hand, and began to remove his glove, finger by finger.

* * *

Rey held her breath, watching him, his glove finally off, staring at hands that should have been marred, bruised and scarred from the mayhem they wrought.

But they were not.

They were smooth, and ivory, truly the hands of a prince...

* * *

Kylo held his hand out, palm up, his heart pounding in his chest.

He had offered her his hand many times now, and each time was no easier or less painful than the last…

He saw her stare it, as if dissecting the lines and planes of his fingers before she looked back up at him.

She wiped her face, and brought her hand up, hovering above his, her eyes burning into him.

Kylo did not realize he hand been holding his breath until she finally lowered her arm, her skin warm and rough once her hand came to rest palm up on his.

Against his own power, he saw, as if once more in a dream, his fingers curl around her delicate wrist, his hands swallowing hers whole, a silence greater than he could ever imagine falling around them.

* * *

Rey watched as if in a trance as Ben gently grabbed her, his fingers cold, but softer than any dream of hers had alluded to.

He brought it up to his cheek, and Rey released the breath she had been holding as soon as her skin made contact with his.

He leaned into her, eyes not closing and they both felt the Bond suddenly vibrate, pulsing through their nerve endings, connecting them once more, swirling its electricity around them, calming both their frayed ends seamlessly, no visions this time but something greater…the strong pull of balance, washing over them, bathing them…..Ben's anger and anxiousness gone, Rey's worry and fear dissipating, both locked into each other…

Rey stared at his face, and felt the heat spread up as the image blossomed in her mind, hazy but there….was it her own thought?

Was it his?

Was it the Bond?

Rey did not know but she felt herself uncontrollably lingering on the fullness of his lips…

* * *

Kylo looked at the mouth of this beautiful girl, the Bond making his edges fuzzy, his mind focused and singular on Rey, the woman who with a touch balanced the war he felt inside.

The Bond whispered in his mind, thoughts of leaning in and closing the space between them.

He moved forward slowly…cautiously, eyes never leaving Rey's, realizing she was moving into him as well…and suddenly…

The tree Kylo had so viciously hacked at fell with a thunderous crash, the branches exploding, leaves falling over them, Porgs running about in disarray, the moment bursting like a bubble and the Bond vanishing as quickly as it had come.

* * *

Rey jerked her hand back, as if burned and watched Ben grab his saber and stand lightning fast, creating space between them immediately.

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but found no words to explain or describe any of what had just transpired and what had almost come to fruition and so she turned to look at the downed tree.

"The tree fell," she said stupidly. As soon as she said it, she winced.

What did she say to him?

Sorry the Bond wanted me to kiss you?

Ben did not flinch though , he looked... shut down.

He pulled the hood up over his head, tucking the saber into his belt angrily.

"I need to meditate," was all he said and he turned immediately and Rey watched him walk away... confused as ever.

 **Authors Note- I am BLOWN away by your support and love! I still cannot find the right words to tell you how much every review , favorite and follow means to me. I am humbled that you all love this little journey of Kylo and Rey as much as I am loving writing it. You are all soooo amazing to me and I thank you thank you and I hope you enjoy this little tense tease of a chapter! I'm using my phone so I'll respond to reviews via PM on Monday! Have a wonderful weekend all of you lovelies !**


	6. Chapter 6

It was turning into evening, and the suns were setting a beautiful purple red and gold across the sky, and Rey, as always, found herself taken aback by its beauty.

She still hadn't recovered from whatever it was that had happened between her and Ben and whether it was good or bad that it hadn't actually happened.

She hadn't realized what this Bond between them was capable of…..and she would be lying if she said it didn't frighten her knowing the possibilities.

Regardless, whatever the connection meant didn't change the fact that at this very moment, she was being very, very strange.

When Ben had stormed away after their almost….whatever…Rey had stood there shocked for a moment, but recovered quickly and decided to follow him.

She wasn't sure why, and she scolded herself the entire time, but yet, she still silently stalked him, following him down to the island's edge, watching him climb down to a grassy space flawlessly.

She knew he was excellent at sensing her, and knew the Force was fond of alerting them of the other's presence but she hoped, like her, he was distracted.

Apparently he was and Rey watched him with great fascination from her little perch, assuming she was high enough and away enough that he wouldn't catch her as he practiced down below near the water's edge. He had at picked a beautiful location, she couldn't help but think and honestly, it was truly hypnotizing witnessing him. He had thrown off his cloak, tossing it to the floor with zero hesitation and he seemed to be in the middle of training exercises, his lightsaber on, his movements smooth, precise and sharp. It was amazing to watch how he wielded it always with such confidence. He moved gracefully but with purpose and strength, in between moves the little hand flip of the saber done perfectly. Rey pondered if she would be capable of pulling that trick off, and imagined briefly somehow slicing her fingers off.

Rey longed for her own saber. She wondered if she would take a chance at fixing Master Luke's…

She continued watching, and she knew he was releasing steam, regaining composure. She had done it as well onboard the Falcon when meditating wasn't helping or just wasn't enough.

"Instead of staring, would you like to join me?"

Rey heard the voice in her head clearly.

She jumped back startled, leaning away from the edge. She shook her head, annoyed and silently cursed herself.

She had to start using the Force and learn the art of _sneaky_.

She slowly crept back, peering over the lip of the rock.

Ben stood, hands on hip, breathing heavily, his face calmer than when he had stomped away from the clearing looking up at her.

He motioned toward her with his lightsaber.

Rey said nothing, no sense in arguing she was being a bit of a creep watching him, and made quick work of the climb down, feeling his eyes on her the entire time.

She finally stood in front of him, holding her staff to steady herself.

Now that they had just had…(a moment?)…Rey felt strangely self-conscious.

"Should we talk about…. - "

Ben cut her off, putting his hand (now gloved again) up.

"No."

Rey nodded.

"So I suppose we just pretend it didn't happen, along with all the other events currently happening?"

Ben nodded, face solemn.

"Yes."

Rey gave a half laugh.

"That's an awful idea," she said. She looked out into the setting suns, sighing. "We can't stay here and hide from everything forever Ben."

He stayed quiet a moment, powering down his saber finally.

"Spare with me," Ben replied. "It will help."

Rey frowned.

"Help what?"

"Tension," he said simply.

Rey bit her lip, begging her cheeks not to flush. She tried to keep her head high, jaw set determinedly.

"I do not know what you are referring to," she said slightly indignantly, just a mask for what she really felt.

"Your thoughts were so loud I could hear them down here," Ben replied.

Rey frowned, crossing her arms.

"I don't like this Bond very much," she finally said with a pout.

Ben nodded, "Me either," he paused. "Now spare with me."

Rey sighed, contemplating it. She knew she wanted to, and knew it would be good to focus her energy on something….but did she dare get into anything involving more contact with him?

"I don't have a saber," she finally said.

"Are you certain?" he asked, a strange look on his face.

Rey frowned, an image of the broken saber in her bag back aboard her ship flashing across her mind.

Ben saw it too apparently.

'Ah, I see," he said.

"Yes," Rey replied, slightly annoyed again at his ability to see her minds thoughts so easily.

"Did you put my saber back on my belt before you ran off?" he suddenly asked. She searched his face, wondering why he had asked that.

Of course she did.

Rey decided to simply nod yes, and not offer any further explanation.

"I will help you fix it," Ben said after a moment. "Train with me."

Rey furrowed her brows, face disbelieving.

"Really?"

"I have no reason to lie, and training will be good for you, "he responded. "And for me."

"I will not turn to the Dark side," she said.

"I am not asking you to turn. However, I would expect you to return the favor."

Rey looked into his eyes, and she saw and felt that it was true. She had the Jedi texts, did she dare share them with him too? Ask him for his help understanding? Would he not attempt to turn her anyway, find out where the others were? She realized he had probably "heard" and frowned. She REALLY needed to focus.

"I have not harmed you or attempted to find out where the Resistance is yet, have I?" Ben asked, confirming her fear.

Rey sighed annoyed, blowing a piece of hair out of her face.

"Just because you can hear my thoughts doesn't mean it has to be our primary form of communication you know."

"Use your staff," Ben responded.

Rey rolled her eyes. He had quite the ability to ignore her when he wanted to.

"Against your saber?" she asked. "Absolutely not."

Ben cocked his head, annoyed.

"I won't be using mine," he said. "Once we fix yours, yes…." He stopped, a glint of something in his eyes. " and hopefully this time you won't add to my scars."

Rey went to open her mouth, but he held his hand up once more.

"It will be dark soon. Yes or no Rey," he said.

Rey nodded.

"Yes," she said.

* * *

Kylo felt the surge of excitement as soon as she agreed to a request of his again. Her eyes sparkled as she said yes, and he could feel the adrenaline begin to pulse in not just his veins, but hers.

He needed this, needed the rush and Rey was worthy, strong and fierce.

He heard her battle cry in his head, how she had been sublime in the throne room, a warrior, and how she teetered always on the edge of darkness.

Kylo yearned to see her ability to truly see her potential and felt compelled, if anything to at least not let her be what he had been.

A lost boy… not understood by his father, a mother who could not find the time and who trusted in others, an uncle who didn't give him a chance, and finding solace and support in a dark paternal figure who also had never believed in him.

Kylo did not want that for Rey and he wanted nothing more than for her to join him and to know that he would be the teacher he had never had for himself. He dreamed of a Galaxy ruled by them both, free of all preconceived notions, both Jedi, Sith, Resistance, Republic etc. etc.

He had realized through their Bond and through their talks and moments that she could never be fully in the Dark side , and he also realized, he would not want that. She was shiny sparkling light…but she was more, she was strong and she somehow organically knew how to tap into the Dark side just enough…

Kylo had never felt jealous of her raw power, instead he had been in awe. He had thought he was alone, but Rey….she understood and it made her that more important and beautiful.

She suddenly cleared her throat, grabbing her staff with purpose. Kylo snapped out of his thoughts.

"Well? It's getting dark!" she chided. "Let's get on with it!"

Her look was playful though, and he nodded.

They began.

Rey was instinct and impulse. She thrusted and turned, whirling her staff with ease.

Kylo had the advantage, disciplined, moving to avoid every move.

They sparred back and forth, and her annoyance grew as she could not land one single blow, Kylo's ability to see her intent, and avoid the staff before she could even swing.

She stopped, breathing deeply.

"You need to focus," he said through deep breaths, circling her.

"I am!" she snapped back. She wiped her forehead.

Kylo shook his head. "See my movements, feel them," he corrected. "Anticipate Rey. Use that power inside, tap into it and think a step ahead of your hits, see what I am doing before I do it."

Rey nodded solemnly.

Kylo watched her close her eyes, taking deep, slow breaths. He watched her face grow focused and serene.

She opened her eyes and raised her staff….and after a few moments of back and forth she landed a hard hit seamlessly to his rib cage with a loud thwack.

Rey pulled back her staff with a loud "OH", eyes wide.

Kylo clutched his side more in surprise than anything else. He was proud, she had immediately focused and hit her target.

"You are surprisingly strong," he said. Pain was nothing to him, so the hit wasn't really an issue but Rey looked horrified.

"Please get that look off your face, you've done far worse to me," he said. "How did it feel?"

She smiled then broadly, ignoring his prior comment.

"It was amazing! Everything almost slowed down, and I could see it almost as if in a dream, everything you intended to do. Do you think it's just the Force or is it also our connection?"

Kylo grabbed his cloak, adjusting it around his shoulders. He saw the goosebumps on the parts of her arms that were bare. He wondered briefly if she was cold.

"I assume a little bit of both," he said.

"Let's go again!" she said eagerly.

Kylo felt the pride surge through him again. He would have gladly agreed but it was getting dark, and he was surprisingly feeling drained from the day.

"That eager to hit me again are you?" he asked, finding himself teasing.

Rey put her finger to her chin, mock thoughtful.

"Perhaps," she said.

She was flushed and obviously also proud of herself, confident…and Kylo could not do anything but bask in it.

What had the Bond done to him?

* * *

Rey shivered as she ran her hands up and down her arms. She had forgotten how cold the nights on Ahch-To could get, and she followed Ben's large figure back to the clearing.

She was floating on her high, and the swirling pride trailing off of him. She'd never ever drank before, but she imagined this was similar to how she had seen some people act.

She was okay that they were both silent, she was shockingly comfortable in the silence.

Ben went into his vessel, and Rey hers, going about warming up a ration of food.

She found she couldn't sit still, and wrapping herself once more, stood to eat staring out into the horizon, everything quiet enough to hear the water crashing into the rocks below and the starry endless sky above.

Her mind was buzzing when she saw Ben again. She had thought he wouldn't show up again till the next morning, but he was there.

He said nothing, but sat down in front of the ashes of the fire she had created the night before. She watched him fascinated as he moved his hands in a slow, hypnotic motion, looking almost as if he were swaying to music. It was a sight to see, this dark, hulk of a man moving so gracefully.

Rey watched until suddenly there was a bright blazing fire roaring in front of him. She walked down the gangway to sit down next to him.

"That was…." And she paused, unable to describe it. She had seen the Force do wondrous things, herself included, but she was still left speechless at this power that flowed through everything.

"You will learn how one day," Ben said.

Rey said nothing, staring at the blaze.

"There is so much to learn," she whispered softly.

She looked at him then, and he was staring at her intently, his eyes illuminated by the glowing amber and orange of the fire.

"Yet you've learned so much already on your own," he said. "I can help you train further."

She nodded.

"You know I have the texts," she said finally.

Ben nodded, and said nothing.

"Will you help me understand them?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"Yes, I will," he said. "I have given you my word already."

"And help me fix the lightsaber?"

Ben sighed.

"Rey, that saber is gone," he finally said. "We can fix it but you need to create your own legacy. We will make it yours, and only yours."

Rey pulled her knees up, resting her chin on them thoughtfully, glancing over at Ben from time to time; sneaking glances at his face. The scar that had never fully been healed, the strong nose and jaw and the thick black hair that looked impossibly soft, the long hands, the large gloved hands resting in his lap…

"I hate those gloves," she whispered, the thought bursting from her before she could stop it.

* * *

Kylo looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers so that the leather cracked and stretched.

"They are a part of who I now am," he finally offered as an explanation.

Rey frowned. "So was your mask."

She was right. Removing his gloves seemed too exposing, and the thought made him anxious. He had to keep a certain image, and he had already revealed his face.

"Oh you are definitely overthinking this Ben."

He looked over and she was smiling.

"Your thoughts…" and she tapped the side of her head. "Super loud."

Kylo felt that pride again. She truly was gifted.

He realized it was just him and her on this island, and that the Bond was there, whether he was gloved or not.

And so he looked down and slowly removed them, placing them neatly beside him.

Rey smiled.

She reached over and touched his hand again, no preamble this time, no hesitation, just a gentle and feather light contact of skin.

As soon as she did, they both took deep breaths, and felt the familiar buzz. No visions were shared, no screaming thoughts, just comfort and calm.

And then, much to Kylo's surprise, she leaned her body on him, head hitting right on his shoulder, breathing deeply. He stiffened slightly and heard her mumble, "I am not going to bite."

Kylo had never been one to be touched. In his childhood, he could vaguely recall his Mother's hugs, strong and warm, his Father's brief one armed shoulder hugs, followed always with a goodbye, and Chewie's furry arms always hugging too tight…but those had been in another lifetime.

Kylo had taken a vow to never let anyone touch him in any way, and isolated and hardened himself against any contact that wasn't necessary.

But Rey leaning on him, her weight soft, and her warmth radiating through the fabric of his sleeve…it was intimate, far more intimate than he thought he could stand. Their touches were always fleeting, quick skin to skin contact, nothing lingering for more than a few seconds.

However, he found himself incapable of doing much else but relaxing and look down at the top of her strange little three bunned hair. Her weight was solid, but there was a softness to her, and a sweetness that he had not allowed himself to notice before.

He felt his stomach flutter though at this simple exchange, even more so than their almost….whatever it was earlier that day. Maybe it was the Bond being so calm, or it being night, but this felt different and welcome.

"What are we going to do Ben?" he heard her whisper softly.

Kylo finally moved his hand open to her, and she looked up at him, her lids heavy, dusty brown lashes framing her questioning, innocent eyes.

She looked down then at his hand, and he grabbed her, their fingers naturally interlocking, his large hand thoroughly covering hers.

He said nothing, and Rey did not need an answer at that moment. They both drowned in the Bond, and she softly put her head back on his shoulder, both afraid to do more than that.

* * *

 **Authors Note- Oh my gawd! I love you all. I do I do I do. I hope you don't mind this slow burn. I want to peel away at Kylo, and Rey, and have them share these innocent touches because I imagine neither of them has really had time for things as simple as hand holding. I promise there will be smutty goodness at some point, but I do hope you don't mind their equal unraveling. As always reviews likes and follows are love and I love you all and am so grateful!**


	7. Chapter 7

Rey opened her eyes, rubbing them lazily with the back of her hand.

It was still dark out and she assumed it was sometime late, or early, in the night.

She stretched, feeling something heavy shift on top of her.

She looked down and paused a moment, realizing surprisingly that she was wearing Ben's long cloak as a blanket.

The last thing she remembered was leaning on his arm, feeling content and peaceful in his silent company.

She groaned as it dawned on her she must have fallen asleep on him, and that at some point he must have carried her inside and covered her.

Rey cautiously looked over her shoulder and outside. Ben was there, awake and sitting by the fire, but he wasn't looking her way.

She sighed, stroking the fabric tenderly. It was heavy and thick, and she was certain it was expensive.

Rey impulsively pulled it up to her face, inhaling deeply.

It smelled clean, but there was something else.

She double checked again that he wasn't peeping or being Force intrusive as was his way, and once again buried her nose in it. It smelled like she imagined his skin did, clean but slightly sweet and heavy, like she imagined a man would smell.

Rey frowned. Well of course it would smell that way because Ben WAS a man.

She was ridiculous, but she kept the robe pulled up to her face, wondering to herself if she could even vaguely recall what Finn or Poe smelled like… She didn't have the habit of sniffing others, but this was making her quite content.

She supposed she should have felt strange, draped in the cloak of the Supreme Leader, of THE Kylo Ren…

She shivered just thinking the name in her mind.

But he really wasn't just that to her, was he? There was so much more to him, and Rey knew she hadn't even scratched the surface of what laid beneath his exterior. The Bond allowed glimpses, and this island had already created some kind of bubble, and Rey knew she would never see him as just the monster she thought he was.

He was Ben, and this was his, and Rey was decidedly okay with it…

Besides, she smiled to herself, it was unbelievably warm on her.

* * *

Kylo would soon help Rey control her thoughts so that they weren't always floating into his consciousness. She truly was such an impulsive spark, and at times he didn't want to see so plainly, but found himself unable to not listen in.

He sensed her surprise as she woke up and found herself in his robes.

He felt the hot flush of her embarrassment when she impulsively smelled it, and Kylo felt some of it radiate from his own being when he realized that Rey actually enjoyed his scent. It was such an odd thing, especially for someone like himself who had been void of any genuine base interaction.

He shook his head, and looked down at his bare hands, remembering how peaceful it had been to simply sit there with her fingers intertwined with his.

She was continuing to make a mess of him.

Kylo sighed and cracked his neck.

He could truly use a few hours rest. He was overwhelmed by it all. The entire journey, from the minute he had heard her little voice coming from what was once his room on …that ship, to now, this island in the middle of the galaxy, had not taken the path he had imagined.

It had taken an entirely different route, one he was still unsure of.

It left Kylo feeling off center.

"Ben?"

Kylo turned, and there was Rey was shuffling out onto the gangway again, the dark cloth swallowing all of her tiny frame, pooling around her feet.

There was something regal about it, and Kylo decided in that moment she looked lovely, like a Princess almost.

"Why are you still out here?" she whispered.

He actually had no response. It was second nature for him to not sleep, so much so that he didn't think he had a proper explanation.

She shuffled a bit under the robe, her breath coming out in little puffs in the night air.

"Thank you," she said.

Kylo nodded. They stayed there quietly, the sounds of the waves crashing not far away.

"You know, "she continued. "You did tell me even monsters needed sleep."

"We do," he said, and the reality of his exhaustion suddenly weighed on him.

"Come with me," Rey said.

The air was still, and Rey waited there patiently looking down on him with expectant eyes.

Kylo finally stood, unable to find any reason why he shouldn't and why he should object to whatever it was she was plotting and he was genuinely spent, in every sense of the word, and so he simply followed wordlessly.

Besides, Rey was stubborn and he knew she would wait there till dawn if he refused her and after all the events that had been chipping away at him all day, he found he could not muster the energy to argue.

He crouched low upon entering the ship, the inside a mess of tubes and spare parts.

She was sheepish as she realized he was looking around in mild disgust.

"Sorry, it's a bit of a wreck but it's the best I could get last minute," she offered.

Kylo grimaced a bit, stepping over a particularly large slick black puddle.

She shrugged. "At least she's fast."

She led him then down an obstacle ridden hallway, off to a side alcove, where there was an otherwise unremarkable mattress on the floor.

Kylo recognized it immediately however, and memories flooded back into him, not because of the item but because of where it had come from, of who he had been, of how his life was marred back then with things he couldn't truly understand.

"Did you take this from….?" he asked quietly, not daring to name the ship he loathed with his entire being.

"Yes," she replied simply. "I am not quite sure why I did. I felt I just had to."

Was there no part of him sacred to this girl?

"This bed belonged to Ben Solo," Kylo said.

Rey nodded.

"Yes, it did," she said. "The Force led me to it that night I first saw you after Crait."

"This is where I was the first time I clearly remember Snoke speaking to me."

Rey gasped, "Oh, I am so so –"

Kylo shook his head, stopping her.

"Don't be. It doesn't matter to me now," he said. "That past is dead. Gone."

Rey said nothing, understanding the sentiment and Kylo knew she was watching his face and body language to gage his reactions.

Before she could think or respond to him, he gently pushed her back, and ignited his saber, slicing across the mattress surface repeatedly, feathers and dust and fabric exploding everywhere. It happened in a few effortless seconds.

Kylo felt relieved. He took a deep, calming breath, placing his saber back.

He hated everything that stupid thing stood for, and every memory associated with it. He felt nothing but satisfaction seeing the fabric ripped open, the downy inside floating through the air like snowflakes.

He turned to see Rey's face, and her mouth was open in shock.

He supposed he should have warned her…

"Well…" Rey said, recovering and pouting a bit. She grabbed a large feather out of her face, looking at it before letting it fall to the floor.

Kylo imagined she'd have quite a few words to say but instead she just shrugged.

"I just thought you would be comfortable somewhere familiar, a reminder…. I should have thought about that a little more, what it actually was. Sometimes I just storm ahead….I figured, it just seemed when we are around each other we are…" and she shook the heavy material of the cloak, a few downy bits falling off. "…calmer, and that you'd, oh I don't know…" She trailed off.

How did Kylo explain to her, so that she truly understood, that his path was before him, not behind him? Any relics of his past were nothing more of a reminder of the weakness inside him, the divide that Rey had direct access to. This girl refused to understand that, to see there was more on the horizon for him, and if she let him, for her.

Kylo did not feel like talking, having destroyed the bed had been cathartic and he truly needed rest. Tomorrow was another day and although he would admit a small part of him appreciated Rey's tenacity, and impulsiveness, he was also annoyed and agitated that she still refused to let things go. He did not want to get mad, or act out against her.

"I am going outside."

He didn't want to be there any longer and seeing as he now had destroyed her idea for sleep, he imagined she would prefer to be alone and inside for the remainder of the evening.

He stomped through the feathers, the muck and mess of her ship and into the cool night air.

To his surprise, she was right behind him, eyes wide.

"I can't sleep," she offered. "Also, I'm sorry."

"I know," Kylo said and promptly dropped to the floor, stretching his legs out, not caring, hands behind his head, staring above at the endless sky.

"You can't sleep out here, its freezing, "Rey hissed.

Kylo closed his eyes.

"Ben!" she huffed.

A few moments later, he felt warmth and the now familiar tingle of the Bond. He wondered how smug it felt since it insisted on putting them in close proximity of each other.

Rey laid on her side next to him, so close he could smell her…of water and sunlight, of light and warmth, decidedly Rey. Kylo foolishly acknowledged why she had been so enraptured by the scent of his robe, which at the moment had been thrown haphazardly on him. He adjusted it so that it actually covered his legs, and made sure that it covered Rey completely.

She moved closer, the tips of her fingers just touching his shoulder and arm.

"If you are going to sleep out here, so will I," she said stubbornly. And Kylo could feel the Bond humming with satisfaction. The Force wanted her next to him, tempering him as she always did and maybe, he would find sleep tonight, and so Kylo closed his eyes, and once again, the last thing he saw was Rey, covered up to her neck in black fabric.

* * *

Rey woke to warmth on her face.

It was dawn, and just as the suns had been beautiful setting, they were beautiful rising. She looked over at Ben, propping herself up on an elbow, and he was actually sound asleep, his face softened for once. The floor had not been the most comfortable but she had slept, soundly at that. Something about being next to him….

She was still lost in all this, but he promised to train her, promised to help her fix the lightsaber, and selfishly, she felt _relieved._ She knew that both him and her had the fate of the galaxy resting on their shoulders, and even though these moments and this time was fleeting, she was happy to have this, just for herself.

A stray lock of hair had made its way across his forehead, and Rey found herself staring at it, wanting to tuck it back, but also realizing it was just an excuse to confirm if in fact his hair was soft.

It was the most trivial thing in the world, but it suddenly seemed of the utmost importance.

She bit her lip, holding her breath as her hand inched towards his hair.

She pulled back.

What was she doing? She frowned then. She was being ridiculous, touching him wasn't forbidden. Besides, he was asleep and it was strictly for research purposes. She took deep breaths and tried to keep her thoughts contained.

She moved again and slowly slowly, without grazing his skin, she gently got the lock between her fingers.

She almost laughed, because Ben's hair was as ridiculously soft as she had envisioned. Did he do something special? How in the world did he keep it like this under that horrific thing he had worn all the time? Did the First Order have things for hair she didn't know about?

She heard a loud sigh then. "Are you always this rude when someone is trying to sleep?" Ben said, apparently now awake. Rey wanted to curse herself, in her excitement she was certain her thoughts had slapped him out of slumber.

He opened his eyes then, catching Rey leaning over him, hand pulled back with a strange look plastered on her face.

Rey wanted to toss the heavy robe over her head and vanish. He truly must think her an idiot sometimes.

She gave a quick smile instead, and mumbled out a sorry.

Ben combed all his hair back then with his hand, standing up and stretching with loud pops.

"You apologize too much," he said.

Rey internally rolled her eyes, and stood up as well, the robe falling to the floor. She picked it up and handed it to Ben wordlessly.

"The lightsaber," he said calmly, once he was done folding it in half and laying it neatly on the floor.

Rey felt no hesitation as she brought it out for his inspection. He had seemed slightly taken aback when he actually saw the damage the two of them had caused for himself. He held the parts in his hands, examining them, and Rey couldn't place the look in his eyes. She tried to see his thoughts, but Ben's end was silent. She would get the hang of that in time.

* * *

Kylo looked down at the saber which he had so viciously declared his once.

He thought he would feel anger, rage….any emotion, but it did not mean what it once did.

Kylo felt something akin to wonder at the fact that their strength was as equals, a balance always it seemed between them. It had caused something that had once been so precious to him to split in two…now nothing more to him than a reminder of a useless relic of things past.

It would be hers now, and Kylo would help her.

"How do you see it?" he asked her finally, once he was done examining it.

"I am not sure what you mean," she replied, sitting across from him.

"It must be unique to you. The creation of a lightsaber was part of the Jedi training. For you, the gathering of the crystal is done, but you still must create it, fix it, so that it is yours. How do you see it Rey?"

Rey nodded, understanding what he meant. He saw the sparkle in her eyes when he had mentioned it was part of Jedi training, her ability to never lose her sense of wonder constantly surprising him. He had felt her excitement as she closed her eyes. He watched her breath, that serenity washing over her as she let the Force flow through her.

He saw it form in her mind, beautiful and singular, and very much Rey. He felt pride at how easily it had come to her.

Her eyes opened, sparkling and she looked at him as if almost for approval. Kylo nodded, and with no more words he led her in her work.

True to her past, she was a scavenger and Kylo was impressed with her ability to run back into her ship, and find things that would work for the constructing of the saber. In a lifetime long ago, he too had spent time putting together things on a ship, child's play. For Rey it had been her life and she was crafty and her hands skilled, asking a million questions as she worked her way around the broken parts. They paused for sustenance, opting to actually eat their meal in front of each other, stopping through out to adjust this and that, eventually leaving the food to the side. Kylo guided her hand, but let her figure it out as well, watching as she furrowed her brow and cursed silently under her breath when something didn't connect properly.

Kylo watched her do one last thing, make one last connection and then they both stood up.

She looked at him and then down at the saber. He nodded his encouragement.

"Ok," she said quietly.

Rey made one quick motion, and turned it on.

Kylo could not help what he felt at that very moment.

He had seen her look lovely, in his interrogation room, with her fierce eyes and set jaw.

In the forest, even as she looked at him with nothing but hatred, she had been beautiful.

In the throne room, with sweat dripping off of her, the Force glowing around her.

Wearing his robe as she shuffled down the ship's gangway…

But this.

This had left him completely speechless.

The saber was more beautiful than the vision she had created in her mind. It glowed, two powerful bright blue plasma blades crackling from a now double sided hilt. It was a beautiful upgrade of what her staff had been.

Rey gasped at it, and looked at Kylo, the waves of pride washing over her.

She suddenly screamed, dropping it to the floor in excitement, and jumping threw herself at him, yelling "IT WORKS!" as Kylo, by instinct, grabbed her steady.

Kylo stiffened, but Rey was gone, completely blinded by her sheer euphoria.

"IT WORKS! DO YOU SEE IT?!" she yelled, straight in his face.

Kylo felt uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure if it was the proximity and how no one was ever this close to him, or if it was because…

…he enjoyed how pure each of her emotions were….how she had no fear of expression, no self-restraint? Was it pride? Was it the fact that her joy was intoxicating, and it was damn near suffocating him, making his thoughts hazy? Did he dare admit he felt his own small emotional excitement that this tiny girl had not shown one ounce of respect for boundaries, that she was all impulse and did not feel fear in being essentially in his arms, screaming and whooping in his face?

* * *

Rey screeched as loud as she could not even thinking twice, dropping her saber, HER LIGHTSABER, and jumping into Ben's arms.

She didn't think of how she stayed up, instead opting to yell at him that it worked.

She had made a saber, she had created a LIGHTSABER just like the Jedi had and it was INCREDIBLE.

She had never felt anything like it in the world and she wanted nothing more than to find the highest point on the island and scream.

She suddenly realized, exactly where she was though…

She was inches away from Ben's face, and oh maker, she wasn't on the ground either.

Ben held her to him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders.

He had the oddest look on his face, his eyes bearing directly into hers. Rey was out of breath with excitement and she could hear the lightsaber crackling alive on the floor behind her.

And at that moment it became more than just her excitement.

She could feel his heart beating against her chest, realizing that maybe it was hers she heard or felt and once more, against her will, she found herself looking at his mouth with the same curiosity she had felt for his hair…wondering if they were soft.

She'd never kissed anyone before, and she absent mindedly wondered if she would even know how...

* * *

Kylo felt it all in that moment, a million emotions and not just one taking the forefront.

He saw her eyes go down to his mouth, saw the quick image of her lips touching his in her mind, and a part of him felt horrified, scared, frozen…..and wanting.

He would never initiate. He had never touched a girl in that way, had never made physical things a priority.

But Rey, smiling confident beaming Rey filled with pride, her tiny weight in his arms…. He almost wanted her to. They could close the space between them easily, what would it matter if they shared one small moment? They had held hands, slept next to each other and the Bond had done nothing but applaud them and seemingly grow stronger.

Was a small touch of lips that much of a stretch?

He saw her smile then, all teeth, her eyes crinkling at the corners and he realized she was every shade of crimson.

She whispered thank you and leaned down….

Planting a soft chaste kiss on his cheek.

It was the quickest of touches, but he felt the spark of electricity, the Bond snapping awake as soon as she did.

Kylo set her down gently, the moment suddenly all too much and she looked up at him, hands on his chest still, feeling relief?

Maybe sadness? He didn't know….

* * *

Rey looked up at him, always forgetting that he was a giant of a man. Her hands were on his chest, which they didn't need to be but she did not want to lose contact with him just yet.

It felt nice, humming through her, flowing around them and she was positively lost in pride and joy at that moment. She had just made a lightsaber, and she felt bold and powerful and for a moment she felt brave enough to just try and kiss him. It made NO sense, but it felt like something she had to do….actually, she wasn't sure at this point she could entirely blame it on the Bond. He had looked so handsome, looking at her with those deep eyes, looking slightly lost and she was certain he was taken aback by her exuberance. He probably felt confused as well. Why in the world would he want a kiss of all things from her?

The thought made her focus a bit, and so she had decided on a quick press of her lips to his cheek. His skin had been soft, and warm, and she could really smell his scent being that close….

He had promptly set her down on her feet but Rey was okay with that.

She turned and grabbed her saber, powering it down just as the sky opened up and began to pour. She looked up, still completely awed by rain, and laughed joyfully. The Force was making this moment perfect.

She turned to Ben, the rain sloshing over him, his hair curling slightly with the moisture and laughed, tapping his chest.

"Do you ever smile?" she asked with a grin.

* * *

Kylo watched her turn her face up to the sky, and if only she knew what she did to him.

She was pure light, radiating brightly and it ached inside him.

He wanted to touch his cheek, as if he could capture that chaste moment forever…his heart wanting something he could not vocalize and something he did not understand or had.

And so he just stood there in the rain, feeling like he had no idea where he belonged or what he wanted, knowing nothing at that moment but Rey's joy.

She turned to him then, her delicate fingers on his chest, the water droplets stuck to her lashes and hair.

"Do you ever smile?" she asked him, the impossibly large grin plastered on her face.

Kylo merely looked at her, and she was satisfied with that, turning and continuing to let the rain wash over her gleefully.

And Kylo wished that he could tell Rey that at that moment in time, he wished he remembered how.

* * *

 **Authors Note- Hi my loves! I hope I am not killing you all. I just don't want them to POoF suddenly change who they are and tumble in the sheets, so I am trying to break that down little by little. We are getting there, I think Rey really has put a big ol dent in Kylo Ren :) and I took some artistic liberties with lightsaber creation, I hope its okay.**

 ** **As always, I am humbled and grateful your follows, favorites and reviews! Do not hesitate to drop me a line, I try to PM each of you with my thanks. I love you all and thank you again!****


	8. Chapter 8

_It was red again, everything was always red and hot, bleeding into her vision._

 _She hated it._

 _She was so close to Ben she could feel his breath fanning across her face, inches away from her…_

 _He looked so peaceful and waves of relief rolled off of him._

 _She watched his mouth as if in a trance, noticing the slightest little tug of the corner of his lips._

" _Thank you," he whispered._

 _And Rey looked down in horror to see her lightsaber buried to the hilt in his chest_.

Rey screamed, her eyes snapping open, her breath heaving in and out. She turned her face and Ben was awake, calmly looking at her.

It had been unspoken, but after the excitement of her creating a saber, and after both had respectively dried off after the downpour, they had laid down facing each other to sleep out in the middle of the clearing. They didn't speak, just relished the peace the Bond gave them of being in each other's company.

"Did you see it too?" Rey now whispered.

Ben nodded, much calmer than the first time he had shared the dream with her.

"I did," he said, no emotion detectable in his voice.

Rey wiped at her face; she hated this.

"I would never do that," she said voice soft and low, something in her afraid to speak louder than that.

She held her breath when Ben reached a hand out as if to wipe away a tear.

"I know," he replied, hand quickly retracted.

Rey sniffled.

"What do we do?"

Ben sighed, turning on his back, looking up at the sky.

"The answer doesn't seem so clear anymore," he replied. Rey said nothing, merely reaching out to put her hand on his chest. He took it, holding it gently within his own, and they stayed awake like that into the morning hours.

* * *

Things seemed off the next day.

Ben had gotten up once the suns had fully risen, releasing her hand, stalking off somewhere. She had felt sad at the loss of his warm skin, but it was Ben. He was many things, most of them dark emotion and brooding intensity.

She had sighed heavily, feeling as if they had reached a sort of plateau of understanding the day before.

She closed her eyes trying to feel him through their Bond but she was either not focused enough or he was consciously trying to keep her out.

She looked down at her saber, feeling the pride in her chest at the beautiful weapon she had created, just like a Jedi, but…

Now what?

Did this make a difference when she went back to the Resistance?

They wouldn't be here forever, they would have to face everyone eventually, and possibly each other.

Did she face Kylo Ren again?

When did it end?

Rey shuddered, seeing Ben's face in her mind. It had been horrible and almost painful to realize what she had done to him in her dream, but she saw so clearly the peace in his face, and she felt conflicted and saddened.

She turned on her saber, giving it a few cautionary spins.

She needed to find Ben. She wanted desperately to train and something to focus on other than the whirlpool of emotions swirling in her mind.

Rey decided to let the Force guide her, and she began to walk, taking a deep breath and letting her feet dictate her path. She felt the slightest inkling of annoyance at Ben begin to bubble up inside of her, because of course he wouldn't just tell her what he was doing, or where. Not that the island was that big anyway, but still.

Did he always have to be so dark? Especially considering the fact that they had gotten, at least Rey felt, close during their short time here. Rey frowned. Seriously, would it have been sooo difficult to tell her he needed to be alone? Would it have hurt to at least use the Bond to send her the message?

Rey was feeling thoroughly angry by the time she came to the beautiful clearing she had found him at before. She stood there at the edge of the rock, broadcasting herself nice and loud through the Bond.

He was so ridiculous, down there, with his crimson saber crackling loudly…

There with his shirt off, chest bare…

…muscles rippling underneath his skin as he swung through the air with intensity….

Rey shrugged, for who she was unsure.

 _So what_? she thought _. I've seen plenty of MEN with their shirts off._

Immediately her mind flashed with greasy, drunken idiots on Jakku, slurring and attempting to paw at her, their grossly bulbous guts hanging over their trousers, filled with whatever drink they could get their hands on.

She shuddered. No, Ben did not look anything like that. He was carved, broad and strong.

And she highly doubted he indulged in such trivial leisure's as drinking.

Rey crossed her arms, watching him continue to train. She currently hated him, how he made her stomach feel and the fact that once more she was out here stalking him like a fool. She was certain he was ignoring her since she was practically screaming at him with her mind.

"I am not ignoring you Rey," he finally turned, his hair stuck to his forehead. She watched, annoyed ( and some other feeling) as he ran his fingers through it, slicking it back away from his eyes. He powered down his saber, and put his hands on his hips. He was breathing heavy. "I had to finish my last move before I properly addressed you and your thousand thoughts."

Rey jumped down, holding her hand up.

"Would it absolutely kill you to just communicate with me?" she asked annoyed.

"Would it kill you to not watch me and broadcast your thoughts on my naked form?" Ben retorted, twirling the unlit saber in his hand.

Rey's mouth dropped, and now she was truly mad.

"I will have you know I am not used to the company of half-naked individuals so please do not flatter yourself," she said haughtily, feeling the red seep into her cheeks.

Ben shrugged. "Wasn't company, I was out here alone. You came to me."

"You are IMPOSSIBLE!" she half yelled. She wanted to smack him, hated how calmly he stood there, tall and regal, like the stubborn arrogant Prince he was. "Would it KILL you to simply let me know you needed to be alone?"

Ben sighed. "I did not know I needed your permission."

Rey gritted her teeth, groaning. "It's courtesy BEN," she said. She powered up her saber, immediately feeling the Force pooling into her center and focusing her.

"You promised we would train," she said. She needed to release this frustration, this anger, this whatever else was constantly in her when it came to Ben freaking Solo.

Ben almost smiled at her, that little twitch of the lip she had seen so vividly in their dream.

"Yes, I did," he said, his own saber now glowing harsh and red. His face was still impassive otherwise.

Rey almost growled, she was so incredibly frustrated with him. "Well? Let's get on with it then." And she lunged forward, as if she could spar away all her messy feelings.

Ben blocked her, pushing her back slightly with a quick motion of his hand, the Force sliding her across the soft floor of the island.

"Careful Rey," he said, lightsaber at his side. "Your dark side is showing."

Rey had enough. She screamed and ran forward, ready to battle him.

* * *

Kylo knew he was being difficult with Rey.

He actually loved watching her wield her weapon; he had continually found her most beautiful in the moments where she was instinct and fight. Her face took on a different form, fierce and determined.

Maybe that was why he was being the way he was.

He felt himself getting too comfortable in her presence. He had felt himself watching as if detached from his body as he lay there on the floor, HIM, the Supreme Leader, looking for all the world content and placid as he held the little scavengers hand in his. It had angered him, made him feel weak and pathetic to see that.

He had begun his day agitated, his mind a dark tempest and yet he still he continued to show weakness, leaving Rey alone so that she did not have to suffer his temperament.

But Kylo found once more annoyance and maybe a slight fascination in her inability to leave things alone. And he had pushed her buttons just so, because he could understand being on the receiving end of her anger…

…It was everything else in relation to Rey that he could not comprehend.

And so here they were, "training" as it were, although it felt as if they were truly in battle. Rey was NOT holding back, and Kylo could not help but feel swelling pride at how gracefully she handled her double bladed saber and how ferocious an opponent she could be.

However, she had not fully grasped how to concentrate and still defend and fight while tapping into the Force.

Kylo pushed her continually throughout, yelling at her to see his moves as she had before.

"Pay attention Rey," he instructed. "Feel the Force! You've done it before!"

Rey was not listening nor was she concentrating. Her eyes were set, brows furrowed and she circled Kylo like an animal, pure instinct, advancing on him wildly.

Kylo wasn't disappointed, and he too did not hold back, using his full strength to bring down his saber on hers. It was satisfying to hear her grunts of frustration and of battle as she used all of her power to block his hits.

Although she was not physically as strong as him, Kylo admired her quickness and agility. She almost caught him, spinning around and disengaging him as she brought up the other end of her weapon to meet his. They held each other then, almost identical to how they were that day in the forest, both their blades sizzling against each other, parallel to their wills, her eyes lit blue, the tiny beads of sweat all over her face.

Kylo saw it in his mind a split second before she did it, her foot coming up to kick him angrily in the chest. He caught her ankle in his hand just before she made contact and he swung her down to the floor, Rey landing with a loud thud as her lightsaber flew out her hand.

She slammed her fists on the ground, yelling, ready to get up and grab her weapon but Kylo was quick, slamming her back down, straddling her, holding her hands above her head with his out stretched arms, being careful not to press his entire weight down on her.

"LET GO OF ME," she yelled, kicking her legs and jerking her shoulders back and forth.

"You weren't focused Rey!" he yelled back at her, her squirming and writhing nothing but an easily ignored twitch to Kylo.

She frowned, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

"I know," she mumbled.

"Why?" Kylo asked.

She opened her eyes slowly then, looking him full in the face. Her hair had come a little loose, wisps of it stuck to her face and sweaty neck, her breathing slowing down as she tried to relax and compose herself.

The fact that she wasn't fighting him suddenly made Kylo hyper aware of the position he had put them in. This was nothing like what would happen in an actual battle, training or otherwise, yet Kylo felt no desire to move, to do anything but hold her down, and watch her beautiful eyes go wide as he tightened his grip around her wrists just a little.

He once again felt removed from his body, realizing what he was doing and seemingly unable to stop himself. Here he was about to correct Rey for her impulsiveness in battle, her lack of focus…. all while finding himself suddenly completely distracted by their forms…

Kylo moved closer, bringing his face down to hers. His hair was damp with sweat, stuck in tendrils, and he was so near her that the tips of them touched the side of her face, his nose practically tip to tip with hers.

Kylo found his voice had suddenly lost its angry and demanding tone, found his breath was short not because of the exertion of their little training bout.

"I asked you why," he repeated again, searching her eyes with his.

She held his gaze, and he felt it in his stomach, tangled and suffocating him. Rey was never afraid of him, always fearless, and she held his stare boldly…but there was something else, the same thing coiling up inside of him, the very thing that made him anger her, hoping it would help him not end up here….in that same place where he once again found himself drowning and lost in this thin, tanned and freckled slip of a girl, who was biting her lip, and stealing glances at his mouth.

"I wasn't focused," she finally whispered back at him.

Kylo should have gotten up, shouldn't have been so close to her in the first place, should not have pinned her down and been so near that he could feel her breath, and the heat of her body rolling off of her.

"Why?" he implored again…interrogating her once more, but this time every single thing was different.

Rey blinked at him, slowly, and he watched a slow blush creep up her neck, her cheeks, even her pink lips…

"You," she said, simply.

Kylo knew what he was about to do, it was inevitable. That one, single little word would be his undoing-

Until he heard the shrill beep of his comm, buried under his tunic and cloak that he had so carelessly tossed off when he had become wrapped up in his exercises.

He slammed his fist into the dirt angrily.

It had to be Hux.

Even miles and miles away that insufferable red head managed to be a nuisance.

However, Kylo realized that being the Supreme Leader, meant responsibilities. Ever since he stepped off his ship and onto this island, he had let everything Rey take over his mind

He looked down at her then and whatever magic had been in that moment was gone, as she was frowning now, squirming under him.

"Don't you need to answer that?" she hissed, her soft voice and demeanor nowhere to be found.

Kylo got up as gracefully as he could. He had failed at his own game and had ended up exactly where he started. He stood over her, at first angry but then it melted into a suffocating embarrassment. He needed his helmet. His gloves. He needed to cover himself and he needed to not be near her.

He saw her tilt her head then, and he realized he must have let his thoughts slip.

He held up his hand, his face blank.

"Don't," he said and he turned around, pulling his shirt and tunic on, never turning back.

* * *

Rey sat in the pilot chair, biting into some sweet treat she had packed when she began this little journey of hers. She chewed thoughtfully, staring out into the evening…staring out into the clearing.

Every single day that they were on this island, things got more and more confusing with her and Ben Solo. She thought that training with him would help but she had felt the anger in her, had felt how it flowed in her, and then …it was gone, replaced with…

She didn't know. Didn't know what to call it or make of it but it was getting worse every single moment.

Rey could see the layers of colors in his eyes when he had held her down and she had wanted to comb his hair back with her fingers so bad, and the feeling made her heart actually hurt….

She felt tears in her eyes, and frowned, wiping them away with sticky fingers.

Ben was out there, in his ship and Rey did not want to think of what he was doing.

Actually, she did.

She ate the last bite, licking her finger for good measure.

She needed to put all this emotional nonsense aside, and focus. No more moments of almost whatever it was…She could not lose focus.

He was most likely dealing with the First Order and Rey would not sit here and sulk lost in confusion.

* * *

Kylo opened and closed his hand, relishing the feeling of the leather, the sound of it creasing as he flexed his fingers. He felt safer now, in control once more… only wishing he had his helmet.

He was furious with himself; he realized now there was no point in the Bond. He had come here to understand it, but instead had become wrapped up in the energy that was Rey. He had thought he could train her, help her learn, sway her to be by his side. She was truly his equal in the Force, but Kylo was seeing how she was not a strength to him, but instead a debilitating weakness.

And Kylo did not like to feel weak.

"Supreme Leader, are you listening?" came Hux's voice over the comm.

"Of course, go on," Kylo responded, feeling surprisingly calm.

Hux was very fortunate he had so many other thoughts to process. He wasn't really fully listening to the unimportant details of the General's reports, they were trivial compared to the ultimate goal of Kylo Ren, and of the First Order.

He realized that now, realized the Resistance and Rey were nothing but that. A trivial nuisance. The galaxy had lost faith in them, and he knew now was the time to strike and finalize everything he envisioned.

He heard a quick shuffle, and then Hux's amused, surprised voice.

"Oh…Supreme Leader, I have some new information that might please you," he said.

"Go on," Kylo said.

"A small group of Resistance fighters were found by one of our allies, it seems," he said. "Would you like me to send the troopers and execute as discussed?"

Kylo sat straighter in his seat. Ah, this he was not expecting. He leaned forward, opened his mouth –

"DON'T!"

Kylo paused, and turned slowly in his seat.

Rey stood there, lightsaber on, determined, her chest heaving in and out as if she had ran the entire way to his ship.

"Don't Ben," she repeated.

General Hux, fortunately, could not hear unless Kylo pressed down to speak, and was unaware of why he paused.

"Supreme Leader?" his voice questioned.

"One moment Hux," Kylo replied, reaching over to speak, still scarily calm.

The hot red anger was churning in him. He could not remotely fathom how Rey thought she could barge in here and dictate how and what he should do, that she would stand there with her saber raised as if she would fight HIM, he who had been the one to understand her, who had promised to teach her, that would have if he hadn't felt they wouldn't be in this exact place, a place on opposite ends of the war.

"You would fight me?" he finally said, his voice carefully masking the true rage he felt.

Rey took a deep breath and powered down her saber.

"No," she whispered. "But I would ask you, if I mean anything to you….if any of this meant anything…" and she paused now, the tears beginning to flow from her eyes. "Please don't."

Kylo had not expected this. She was standing there, tears streaming down her face, her eyes wide, the sadness, the hope, the conflict and anger and worry literally flooding him as she made no effort to control it.

"Please?" she said again and Kylo saw himself, in the throne room, his heart exposed to her, this girl with extraordinary power who came from nowhere and nothing who he, years of torture and training had created, of being turned away by everyone who should have mattered, was willing to beg to be by his side because he had thought stupidly that she would understand.

And he saw in his mind how she had cried, had held her hand out only to turn at the last minute….

…but then he also saw himself on the floor, the explosion of the saber knocking him unconscious, as ash fell around him, the walls dissolving and melting away to the open space of the galaxy. He saw Rey kneel down, and brush a stray hair back, and gently kiss his cheek as she cried on his face. He saw her whisper, and heard her voice, "I am so sorry Ben. I will see you again," before putting the saber gently on his persons and grabbing hers before she ran out.

Kylo gasped, touching his face, the gloved tips coming away damp, the power of Rey putting the memory in his head so strong that it had caused this without his wanting…He knew she had given him his saber back, but he did not know the true details of what had happened.

Rey stood there, openly crying now.

"Please," she whispered.

Without turning away, he reached back to the comm.

"Let them go Hux," Kylo said.

"But Supreme Leader…." came the immediate questioning voice.

"DO NOT DISOBEY YOUR SUPREME LEADER NOR QUESTION HIM," Kylo yelled.

"As you wish," came the quiet response and Kylo furiously removed his hand from the panel.

When he turned, Rey had moved closer. She stood an inch apart from him, looking up at him as she softly mouthed, "Thank you."

Kylo removed his gloves, and reached down, this time not stopping himself. He stroked her cheek, the feeling of her skin on his still foreign but familiar all at once, sending that strange current through him, lighting his insides on fire. He wiped the other cheek gently with his thumb, the tears falling away and off his finger.

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, tightly, almost painfully. Kylo stood there stiff and unsure, the entire situation overwhelming him, a million things racing through his mind…

But at this moment, Rey was at the forefront and she held him so tight and so close he could smell her, sweet and heavy, filling his nostrils and mind.

She let go then, and moved a hand that looked impossibly small against him on his chest. Kylo watched as the other hand came up, ghosting past his jaw, releasing the breath he had been holding when her fingers tangled at the hair at the base of his neck.

"Rey?" Kylo found his voice low, and soft. She said nothing, merely held his gaze with wet, glossy hazel eyes.

* * *

Rey's heart was racing, she couldn't breath and her knees felt liable to collapse.

She had one hand on Kylo's chest, and she could feel the muscle beneath the cool, almost coarse thick fabric. But her other hand, she did not know when it got there, but it was intertwined with the locks of his hair, softer than she could have ever imagined.

He said her name softly, gentler than she had ever heard anyone say it and it touched her everywhere. No one in her entire life had said her name so that it attacked her heart, her stomach and the flame that was literally burning inside her…

She didn't care if she went mad, didn't care if they would have to figure it out later or never.

All she knew in that moment was that Ben was dark beauty, standing there after an act of mercy for her…his face a mask of emotions for once, confusion, regret….anticipation…..and something else, something hungry and primal.

She wanted him to say her name again.

She wanted to touch him.

She wanted to taste him.

She wanted his lips on hers.

She needed to kiss him.

Rey did not think this time she could stop herself.

Nor did she want to.

* * *

Kylo heard Rey's thoughts as a whispered caress across his mind.

 _I need to kiss him…._

And her want for it was surrounding him, choking him, swirling through him as the Bond hummed and hummed its approval of this… and Kylo…well Kylo had faced Snoke for years, but this….this was a torture more than he could bare.

She would reject him, abandon him and turn away…because Kylo Ren had never touched anyone in any way but to cause harm...except for her...Rey always being the exception to his every rule.

"I've never kissed anyone," he finally choked out, his voice barely above a whisper.

Rey merely smiled faintly, and tip toed, pulling his head down so that she could breathe into his ear, "Neither have I."

And suddenly, her lips were on his…a feather light touch of her mouth to his.

It was quick.

And it was soft, and it was innocent and chaste.

But it made something snap, a coil that Kylo felt neither of them had realized was tightly wound up inside of them. It felt like a damn bursting, and every one of his nerves shot on fire, the Bond screaming in his chest, his legs and arms and fingers and tongue and heart, every single part of him was centered on Rey and vibrating with ferocity.

* * *

Rey pulled back, touching her fingertips to her mouth…

She had kissed Ben.

He looked down at her, his expression unreadable, but his eyes were burning.

Rey worried he was mad, and there was something coming off of him, reaching into her through the Bond, hot and burning intensely…and as the realization of it being _desire_ she felt hit her, Ben had picked her up underneath her bottom, pulling her to him. Her legs wrapped around him instinctually, and she found her thoughts lost somewhere in space.

She leaned down and kissed him again, but as she went to pull away, his hand came up, delicately touching her chin, pulling her mouth to his again. He kissed her once, twice, but Rey did not want that, it didn't feel like enough. She combed her fingers finally through the entire length of his jet black hair, grabbing it roughly at the base, marveling at its texture and the beautiful low throaty sound that came from his throat.

And Ben, thank the Force, Ben understood what it is she wants, and whether he feels it through their connection or whether her body language tells him, is no matter because he's squeezing her tighter around her thighs and some of her bottom and that alone makes her release a soft sigh of content. And Ben becomes frantic, feverishly moving harder, his actual lips soft and so so full. Rey pressed herself into him and she wants to breath only Ben, taste only Ben, lick and feel only Ben and she knows he hears it loud and clear because he's y exploring her neck and collarbone, gently, delicately and she can feel the doubt of it floating through the air and Rey cant comprehend how or why because his lips feel like something of magic and sorcery and she wonders off hand maybe he has kissed someone before, and she feels for a moment a brief little nip of jealousy but then she is lost again, as she feels his heat across her neck lingering, travelling to her collarbone, tasting her experimentally before she needs him again to direct his attention to her mouth.

And in that moment, Rey is not sure of anything other than how this feels like the most natural thing in the entire universe, and how she doesn't think she will ever be okay not kissing Ben Solo.

* * *

 **Authors Note- My loves! FINALLY! Sorry it took me so long to write this, it has been craziness in my life. Pneumonia, hospital stays and little ones with strep.**

 **Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed these two finally kissing. I know its not smut city (yet) but they are both brand new at this and I wanted their first kiss to be slightly innocent. I think some naughtiness may follow, maybe some fluff finally too? Please please please review and let me know how I did! I love you all and cannot thank you enough for all your reviews and follows and favorites.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi guys! I am SO SORRY for the delay in updating.**

 **Life was and has been a whirlwind!**

 **I just came back from IRELAND, where as you know Star Wars TLJ was filmed, so amazing! (Including the island of Ach-to, which is where my little story is taking place!)**

 **I have missed you all and want to thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for sending all your good juju my way.**

 **I reread this a bunch of times and I actually love this chapter. This story is a bit of a slow burn I realize now, but I really am trying to stay true to them!**

 **Please review, and tell me what you hated or loved and all suggestions are welcome!**

 **Again, thank you for your support and so sorry for the delay! Please enjoy!**

* * *

It had finally happened.

Rey say cross legged on a hard metal chair in Kylo- Ben's quarters.

Black of course.

She was biting her lip as hard as she could to keep the ridiculous smile that was forcing itself on to her face from showing.

She watched Ben as he set about fixing something of a bed for her and him.

After they had kissed, KISSED, he had set her down gently and quickly, turning and mumbling how it was raining again, too cold, floor too hard, here was better….Rey had heard snippets only, fascinated by the fact that they had touched lips and bodies and Maker.. She didn't know what to do with herself.

This wasn't anything like she planned, but she shrugged, still trying her hardest not to grin.

For tonight, for this moment, she would forget everything and enjoy this.

She hated sounding like the others, so cliché, all bravado and hope and she knew she too was guilty of the standard sayings. But for now, it was appropriate.

She knew tomorrow WAS a mystery, and for once she wanted to tune it all out and enjoy the right now.

The right now being the great Kylo Ren a fidgety mess, stomping here and there, still in his cloak, its edges billowing dramatically as he busied himself with what she did not know.

Rey found her smile escaping, stretching across her face.

Ben paused, black bed sheet in hand and turned.

Rey smiled harder.

"Stop that," he said sternly.

"No," she replied.

He merely looked at her, and Rey couldn't help glancing hungrily at his mouth, soft lips that were so inviting and yet foreign all at once.

"Stop that too," Ben said.

Rey wrinkled her nose at him.

"No," she said again.

She saw his eyes, not a trace of true anger in them.

"You are impossible," he chided.

"So are you," she responded, standing up now.

She walked up to him, taking the black silken sheet from his hand, and laying it on the makeshift bed he had created on the floor.

She put a hand to his cheek, gentle and reassuring.

"You haven't stopped moving," Rey stated.

Ben raised a hand, pausing for a moment, then tucked a stray hair behind her ear, large hands almost covering her face, his eyes soft, large and luminous. They were his loveliest feature and Rey could look into them and become lost in their inky depths. She frowned at her thoughts, Maker, she was being dramatic.

"You always are," Ben said. Rey nodded, a gentle poke to the chest administered.

"You would know," she smiled.

"I did not expect…." And he paused, not sure how to go forward.

"This?" Rey asked.

Ben nodded. "Yes," he said. "My accommodations are…"

And Rey smiled broadly, not hiding her amusement.

"Black?" she teased.

"Well yes, that is the First Order-"

And Rey put a finger to his lips. "Shhhh! I won't say the R word if you won't say the F word," and she paused. "At least for tonight."

Ben understood, thankfully.

Rey truly looked behind him at the impossible amounts of sheets and pillows he had laid out on the floor.

"We've been sleeping on the floor outside just fine Ben," Rey said. "…But this is lovely. Thank you."

"You are welcome," he said.

They then stood in silence, Rey and Ben both unsure how to proceed

They had been so comfortable, hands intertwined, sleeping next to each other, soothing each other into slumber. And now that they had gone further, really just a small step forward but so large in the span of their respective lives…they both now felt awkward, silent and paused.

Rey took a deep breath, wondering where did they go from here. Did tonight's sleep session include more of what they had done earlier? She felt the heat creep up her neck when she realized she very much hoped it would happen again. And again….

She stopped and realized she wasn't making any effort to hide her thoughts and so looked down at her fingers nervously, hoping he wasn't listening in, although she still didn't know the exact mechanics of that (she made a mental note to ask). Keeping her eyes down, she noticed her fingernails and the dirt under them. She sighed heavily and felt shocked that her first thoughts were if HE had noticed….

"You don't have to feel that way," came Ben's voice.

Rey hid her hands behind her back, biting her lip, wondering who she was at the moment.

"You may use my refresher, if you like."

Rey's eyes lit up, all embarrassment gone and replaced with sheer excitement. The ship she had procured was fast, but it wasn't the best and although it had basic necessities, it did not have a 'fresher and the mere thought of hot water and bubbles made Rey's skin tingle.

She nodded then, knowing in no world would she turn it down. She paused then.

"This was all so rushed, I didn't even bring a change of tunic or…"

Ben held his hand up, stopping her.

"I know it is not your size and I am certain not something you would normally wear but I have some extra garments you may choose from, "and he stopped. Then added, "If you like."

Rey smiled. She realized he felt as unsure as she did, he was being so careful to word things, to make sure she was okay. She appreciated it and was glad they both felt strange navigating this new territory.

* * *

Kylo Ren sat, knees propped up, one long arm dangling, hand propped under his chin.

His mind was a storm of thoughts.

It was creating a horrible pain in his temples that was threatening to overtake his entire brain.

He had asked himself one thing over and over since their lips had touched: when and how did he let this all get so out of control; so out of HIS control?

And it WAS completely out of his control, and solely in the hands of a tiny girl named Rey.

He rubbed his eyes hard, squeezing the bridge of his nose. Supreme Leader of an entire galaxy, and he couldn't wrap his mind around a simple human situation.

The Force was no use either, continuing to lure him into the light, as he felt the tug in his deepest parts, and the Bond constantly scorching his insides whenever Rey was around…..

And he had kissed her, or she had kissed him, he really could not remember; the entire thing was such a blur of soft lips, fingertips, and that feeling of losing himself completely in the brightness of Rey.

He had never laid hands on a female in the manner that he just had.

When in his life would he have had the chance (and frankly he had never even felt the desire to do so)?. Disciple, pain, exhaustion, and a monster living in his mind had robbed him of any semblance of that, including any to ….for lack of better words, self-indulge.

He groaned remembering how he had picked her up, his hands sinking into soft flesh. He hadn't intended to, but she was so small….and he wanted her as close as possible at that moment and picking up her delicate little form had been an act of instinct.

Kylo felt…. He wasn't sure actually.

He knew only one thing for certain.

He had wanted it, and he had almost needed it…and when it had happened he had felt RELIEF…as if he had been holding his breath up until that moment.

What kind of dark lord was he that a kiss had turned him into this?

"Idiot," he mumbled under his breath. He couldn't begin to wrap his mind around what that sniveling fool was thinking when he demanded the rebels be let go. His fists balled up in frustration, nowhere closer to a resolution than he was when he first got on this planet.

* * *

Rey smiled, sitting perched delicately inside the small 'fresher, with HIS large simple black shirt and black pants in her hands. They were surprisingly soft, as she realized most things related to Ben Solo were. She looked around as if she would be caught, and held the fabric to her nose as she had done once before with his long cape.

It did in fact smell like him.

She made quick work of her tunic and underthings, and stood there, looking in the small mirror. She looked at her tanned skin, how thin she was and how she wished she could get her hands on more food. She had scars...And she wondered what he would think if he could see her…

Would he like it?

Would he find her too skinny (as she had been told repeatedly on that horrible place she once thought would be her home forever)?

Rey rolled her eyes at her reflection. She was strong and lean, and of all the worries in the world, in the entire universe, HIS thoughts on her body should have been her last concern.

But it wasn't… all things Ben Solo were her concern and that was the problem, wasn't it?

Rey turned the water on, waiting for it to be as hot as it could as the reality of this all set in. She was in Ben Solo's 'fresher, sans attire, about to take a scalding hot bath. If she wasn't so excited about the steamy water she was sure shed be overwhelmed but for right now, she excitedly stepped in, ready to wash it all away for the time being, thinking how every day on this island had been one unbelievable event after another.

She laughed quietly as the hot, hot water prickled her skin, wondering how she came to exist in a world where she had kissed Ben Solo.

* * *

Kylo's head turned.

He heard the water, full force. He could almost feel the steam hitting his skin, the water droplets rolling off his face and hair.

He shook his head, doing his best to not let his mind wander to the 'fresher, cursing their Bond.

He took deep breaths, in and out. Focusing. He was stronger than this, stronger than his wandering brain …. He would not think of Rey with soapy hands, wet hair clinging to her sun kissed skin, her clothes most likely irritably in a pile, because he was certain Rey was not one to fold…and he absolutely would not think about all that skin bare for him to see.

No, not for you to see, his inner thoughts yelled.

He nodded… to himself of course.

Because that's what he had become, a mad man who scolded himself.

He closed his eyes, as if he could close his mind as well. He tried to meditate, thinking of what he had just done by yelling at Hux, of how he had let her pleading eyes sway his will; he thought of what he would do when he got back, what awaited him and her, and he wondered if he truly ever wanted to leave this island…

And when Kylo opened his eyes, he was standing in front of the door to the refresher.

"Oh," he said softly.

* * *

Rey's eyes opened wide, and she turned to look at the closed door, hot water pouring over her.

Ben was there.

Just outside.

She could feel him through the metal barrier, the only thing separating them …his presence heavy, dark, and intoxicating. She sighed out loud at the feel of him through the Bond, and quickly covered her mouth, and then quickly coveredher chest, wondering if he could see her…

He couldn't, could he?

Did he feel her, the way she felt him?

Why was he even there?

* * *

Kylo stared at the door in front of him, feeling her seep through: light, airy, sweet…intoxicating.

He felt her concern, her own worries whispering across his mind…

 ** _Why is he there?_**

 ** _I can feel him._**

 ** _Can he see me?_**

Kylo put his hand on the door, palm flat, fingers splayed open.

He could.

If he wanted to….

* * *

Rey gasped.

She heard it, Kylo's voice in her head, faint, but there…. She took a step closer to the door.

Did he want to?

* * *

Kylo felt that familiar sensation take over, the buzzing, the tingling, the tightness in his chest and stomach.

Did she know that he did? More than anything?

He was controlling it, holding himself back, trying so hard to not cross a boundary, to make sure she knew he would not do a single thing she wasn't okay with.

Kylo did not want to scare her and for once in his entire life he didn't want the fear of another person.

He wanted their reciprocation.

* * *

Rey stood as close to the door as she could get.

She ignored the water dripping off of her, ignored the steam billowing around her and focused on the energy melting through, all coming from him.

Her breath came in short little bursts and she felt the Bond, as always, present, but intensified and vibrating through her.

She closed her eyes and sent out a single sentence.

 _ **I want you to.**_

And she slowly lowered her arms from her chest.

* * *

Kylo squeezed his eyes closed, forehead against the door.

He heard it, loud and he heard it clear and he would have laughed out loud that THIS was when she mastered her ability to speak to him through the Bond but he could do nothing but try to control his heart nearly slamming out of his chest.

 ** _I want you to._**

She had given her okay, and he had felt the nervousness, the excitement, the want….and slowly he saw her…there was so much steam, but it was appropriate, swirling around her so that she looked like something from a dream. Her hair was wet, curly and tucked behind her ears.

She held her head up fiercely, and he could hear the blood pounding in her veins, just like his was.

Her eyes were wide and luminous, framed with spiked lashes damp with moisture.

Kylo saw Rey's collarbone and her shoulders, and the lovely expanse of skin from shoulder to shoulder, lightly freckled. He inhaled sharply as more of her appeared… her bust, lovelier than he could have imagined, resting so perfectly on her tiny frame, petite and delicate. His eyes followed the lines of her to the slight indent of her waist, and he paused, too overwhelmed to look any further. Too afraid to go further than he already had.

Too afraid to lose himself once and for all.

* * *

Rey's breath caught in her throat.

He was looking at her and she bravely stood there. She wanted him to see her. She wasn't afraid to lay herself bare to him, and she wanted him to know that.

She also wanted (although she tried to ignore this) him to like what he saw, to feel this incessant lunacy that she felt whenever she was near him.

But instead she felt his hesitation to look further, his presence fading and she felt a lump in her throat, and her eyes burned as she quickly covered herself up.

* * *

Kylo closed his eyes, balling his fists up.

He wanted to look further and to do more than just look. As soon as he had seen her skin, Kylo had wanted to open the door and show her what he felt, to do things to her he couldn't vocalize and never thought he would have to. For anyone.

He felt Rey's sadness, shame, regret and embarrassment though and he sighed, releasing his clenched hands. He didn't want her to feel that…she had no reason to whatsoever.

 _ **Was there something wrong?**_ Came the voice, soft, but with a sharp tone to it ringing in his mind.

 _ **How could you think that Rey?**_

 _ **Then why did you stop?**_

 _ **I had to.**_

 _ **Why?**_

 _ **Why do you ask so many questions?**_

Kylo heard her sigh deeply, could almost see her rolling her eyes.

 _ **Rey, I stopped because I would not be able to control myself if I kept looking.**_

He felt the smile, even separated by this door. Kylo took a deep breath, and with one last look at what laid behind him, he walked away.

* * *

While on the other side, Rey grasped the handle and turned the door, opening it …but Ben was already gone.

* * *

Kylo sat on the floor, covered with every blanket and sheet and pillow on board. He had removed most garb, sitting now in his undershirt and sleep trousers, feet bare. He waited for Rey nervously, the image of her in the center of that fog filled 'fresher, eyes wide, staring past him and into him, burned into his mind.

Kylo heard her feet before he saw her, a quick shuffle down the hallway.

"Hi," she said, smiling broadly. She was now wearing his pants, pants that literally pooled over her feet and his shirt that came past her hips, practically a dress. Her hair was neatly piled on her head, still wet but tidy. She looked scrubbed, her cheeks red from the water. "It's a little big, but exceptionally soft. What do you people use for your clothing?"

"I am glad you like it," he replied.

"I do," she responded. Kylo noted, as he suspected, the pile of clothing in her hand, all unfolded.

"Set them down there," he said pointing. She turned, and put them down.

"So…" she said, once she was done tossing them haphazardly. She fiddled with the edge of her shirt and Kylo couldn't help notice how she had rolled the pants at her waist, a tiny sliver of skin showing.

He knew what else laid under there and he tried his best to concentrate.

* * *

Rey tugged at the shirt that was soaked in Ben's scent.

It was making her insane, and hearing his low voice in her mind…. I would not be able to control myself….

She knew he wouldn't do anything, but sit there, being stern and dark and stoic and blah blah blah.

Rey knew she'd have to make the move.

AGAIN.

* * *

Kylo watched the little light go off in her head.

He almost asked out loud what she was thinking, but his words vanished when she got down on her knees into the pile of soft fabric and pillows , graceful as ever. He watched entranced as she crawled towards him, until she was on all fours in front of him.

"Rey?" he choked out.

She said nothing, but smiled as she very suddenly crawled into his lap, legs around his waist, arms draped casually around him. Once more with a soft touch, she leaned forward and pressed her soft mouth to his.

"You really think I am perfect Ben?"

Kylo's frozen hands moved then and he carefully brought them to rest on her waist.

"Yes," he whispered, his eyes searching hers.

Rey smiled, blushing slightly. She brought her hands to his face, touching the barely noticeable scar with a finger.

Kylo let her.

Rey ran her thumbs over his eyebrows, down over his nose, stopping at his mouth. She ran the pads of her thumb over his lips, softly and gently. She touched his jaw and neck, his skin impossibly smooth like the stupid perfect clothing he wore and had lent her.

She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face.

"I find you beautiful Ben," she whispered.

He frowned.

"I am no such thing Rey," he said quietly. "I am a monster."

Rey stroked his arms, feeling the downy hairs on his strong forearms.

She leaned forward and kissed him again, still chaste.

"A monster wouldn't have lips as soft as yours Ben," she said.

"A monster can take different forms," he said, voice cracking.

Rey smiled and got close to him, near his ear, shamelessly breathing him in.

"I think that you are a sheep in wolf's clothing," she whispered.

She heard the little guffaw in his throat, deep and low, vibrating through him.

"And I think that is not how the expression goes," he replied. Rey leaned back in his lap, his hands still firmly on her.

She put her hand to her chin, thinking.

"I think you are right," she said and laughed a little.

Anytime she laughed, or smiled, Kylo could see the laugh lines around her eyes, her teeth so perfect.

She was so flippant, and yet everything had just been so..intense? And so heavy, and just so….

Defining.

He longed to be as carefree as her, to live in the moment.

"So why don't you?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

Kylo sighed, touching her cheek.

"Is it that simple?" he asked.

"It can be," she replied.

He touched the edge of her sleeve, swallowing her and almost down to her elbow.

"My clothing are far too large for you," he said observantly.

Rey nodded.

"Mmm. I like it" and she looked at him, imploring, her eyes travelling from mouth to gaze.

"I wish you would kiss me Ben Solo," she said softly.

"That's not my name," Kylo replied.

Rey nodded.

"Okay."

* * *

And Kylo brought his hands up, holding her slender neck, large hands swallowing her there, thumbs under her ears, stroking back and forth. He brought her face down, and kissed her once, twice, three times, tangling his fingers in the nape of her neck, capturing her mouth possessively, tasting her as deeply as he could. Rey was nothing but responsive, sighing into his mouth, as cautious as he was, her tongue soft and delicate like the rest of her and the thought of her skin made him growl and Rey wrapped her legs tighter around him, hands on his chest, trying to find the edge of his shirt.

Kylo pulled back and never leaving her eyes, removed it.

* * *

Rey said nothing, but without leaving his stare, she ran her hands all over him, the soft lines, the hard muscle, the skin a geographic map of scars. She felt sad, sad that the porcelain of his flesh was marred with it, most likely at the hands of Snoke.

He let her, with slow breaths and closed eyes, hands clenched at her waist. Rey knew it hurt on some level to allow her to be so intimate. She could not fathom the last time anyone had seen him this vulnerable, or touched him in a way that wasn't to cause harm.

And so she kept her face as passive as she could, touching each bruise and imperfection, feeling his faint tremble each time, ghosting kisses on the broad planes of his shoulder and chest.

She sat back slightly, confident she got everything on his upper naked half. She grabbed a clenched hand, kissing the knuckles until he relaxed enough so that she could rest her face in his palm.

"Now we are even now," he said quietly.

Rey cocked her head, and then smiled broadly.

"One naked even for another, I see," she said.

* * *

As the words spilled from her lips, Kylo was back on the other side of the door, hungry for the clothing-less girl on the other side. He knew not what led him to gently guide her down on her back and lay next to her, her eyes wide as she looked up at him, but so beautiful in her ability to trust him in this moment, trust him up to this moment. His skin already felt alive, vibrating wherever she had touched him, his mind a swirling whirlpool. He felt the want deep in his stomach, clawing at him and if he thought he had almost lost control in the 'fresher, he was mistaken. This was far far worse.

Kylo truly knew temptation now.

It was this girl, laying there with pleading golden eyes, lips swollen, asking to be kissed.

Their mouths met again, slowly, testing each other's responses and Kylo felt his hands wandering of who's accord he did not know. The shirt she wore was now bunched up in his fist, exposing the skin of her stomach. . He let go, attempting to smooth it down, beginning to apologize when Rey reached up, putting a finger to his lips, stopping any thought, which Kylo realized was the theme of this.

Don't think. Act.

She grabbed his hand, and slowly led him under the fabric until his hand was touching warm flesh.

Kylo had to close his eyes, the reaction to the contact was so intense. Rey's skin was hot, and so soft, and the Bond was throbbing between them, exploding with unseen sparks.

He gazed at her as he let his hands wander, in awe of her, of what he had only seen but not touched until this moment. He ran his hand up her sides, her skin as dewy and supple as he had imagined, stopping just under the swell of her breast. She bit her lip then, and with shaky hands and breath, guided him further up, the fabric bunching under her chin, exposing the golden freckles and chest.

He held her gently, reverently, scared to do anything but hold her cautiously, her breast a perfect fit in his hand.

"I…I have never …" he tried to explain again.

"I know," Rey said, hand still over his. "I just wanted you to touch me."

And he nodded, understanding because he felt the same, and she moved her hand up to his face again, and pulled him down to her again. Kylo pulled the shirt back over her, covering her, never leaving her mouth, savoring her taste, smirking as she gently nipped at his bottom lip, this fierce woman who wasn't afraid of him, who wasn't afraid of this new territory, who wasn't afraid of what they did after this.

* * *

They were side to side, facing each other, learning this new level of intimate.

Rey marveled at his beautiful swollen mouth….the barely there scar running down his cheek.

He said nothing, patient, letting her once more examine him.

"I blame this Bond," she said softly, as if anything above a whisper would ruin this. "I always do."

Ben nodded.

Rey touched his mouth and he kissed her fingers.

"Come back with me," she whispered.

"You know that I can't," Ben said and Rey saw that there was no anger, no rage and no fear in his eyes, just resignation.

She leaned forward, kissing his cheek and neck, tucking his hair behind his ear, pressing her body into his, feeling the hard planes of his form.

"You can."

"I want to stay here," he responded after a minute. "I want to explore every part of you Rey. I do not know what to make of it. But, I do not want to go so far we can't come back."

"Why do we have to come back? To anything?" Rey asked.

"I am still Supreme Leader Kylo Ren," Ben said, again, no hidden meaning, just plain honesty.

"You didn't have to…you didn't need to tell Hux…" and she paused, not wanting to break this magic with words of reality.

"I did, " he said, understanding where she was going. "Not because I didn't want to, but because you asked me not to."

How could someone infuriate her yet still make her feel important? She knew people didn't change overnight, knew that this man was still the same man capable of atrocities beyond her comprehension.

Yet here she was, in his arms, wanting more than just the kisses and touches they had shared.

And that light inside him, it wasn't big and it had gone out some since she last saw him on his knees, sad and defeated, but it was there and it called to her louder the more they tangled themselves with each other.

Ben touched her chin.

"I asked you to come with me once, to join me and you said no," he said softly.

Rey nodded, her hands on his arm, stroking absently.

"It wasn't the right time," she replied. "You know this."

He leaned in, searing her mouth with his before he pulled back, eyes softer than Rey had ever seen.

"Do you think…in our lifetime there will ever be a right time?" he asked quietly.

And Rey said nothing, merely grabbed his hand and sighed, "I don't know."

* * *

 **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.**

 **That is all.**


End file.
